Bite the Bullet
by Glowing Blue
Summary: How can you love someone when you know they are going to die? AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Bleach and its characters do not belong to me.**

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He remembers he used to come home almost everyday in tears. It's funny to picture really, seeing how emotionally detached he is now. But even he, at six years of age, was not immune to bullies and taunts.

He remembers always running straight to his room. At a young age he had learned about pride; his father, he knew, was a highly respected member in the community and was always steady in any situation. Learning from his father's actions, he had also learned that showing anyone weakness would only humiliate him, and so he had decided to hold in his tears and complaints until he had reached the security of his bedroom.

There, he would find the one person who could always calm him and raise his spirits (they shared the room, after all).

He had always looked up to his brother, so kind and accepting of any man or thing, despite their impression. His brother was always able to find the good in someone, and he always encouraged him to do the same. He had never gotten the hang of it; too many fights at school had taught him at an early age how cruel people could be for no reason. However, his sunny brother, the complete opposite of him, had been his role model.

"_What's wrong, chibi me?" _he would ask whenever he noticed the tears, using the endearing nickname he had come up with after listening to many others exclaim about their likeness in appearance.

"_S-Shiro-nii," _A sniffle and a pout usually followed. "_Th-the meanies were making fun of my h-hair again, calling me an old m-man because it's w-white and-"_

And his brother would flash a sympathetic smile, tuck his own long white hair behind his ear, pull him onto his lap, and softly pat his back until the tears stopped, all the while murmuring softly in his ear that all the other kids were just jealous of his hair, and that one day, they would understand what a great person he really was. The tears would stop soon after, and the two would head down to the kitchen together and scarf down a bunch of watermelon, regardless of the time or weather.

Sometimes he came home not in tears, but in rage. A bad day at school always put him off, and he would ignore everyone, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him as he entered his sanctuary. His older brother would follow him up and listen to him intently as he slandered everyone and everything, mad at the world because of everything that had not gone his way.

"_Calm down, chibi me. You can't expect everything to be the way you want. The universe is unpredictable, and you just have to trust it and believe that in the end, everything will turn out alright."_

That advice had gotten him through a lot. But it was wrong. The universe could not be trusted, because it just didn't give a damn.

It didn't give a damn when he was beaten up everyday for being so "abnormal." It didn't give a damn when his childhood, and only, friend had moved away, leaving him to face school alone. It didn't give a damn when his brother, the one person in the world who whole-heartedly deserved happiness, was diagnosed with a hopeless illness and admitted into the hospital full-time. And it most definitely didn't give a damn when the only person that had ever defended it, his older brother Hitsugaya Jyuushiro, had died, too young and too undeserving.

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**So, this is my first story (how exciting!). This is probably going to be the most serious one I write. I've started on others and they're pretty care-free, so I am a little worried about how this one will turn out since it doesn't seem like my style, but hopefully you'll like it.**

**Note: Jyuushiro, Rangiku, and Gin's surnames have all been changed to _Hitsugaya_, because they are all part of Toushiro's family in this story.**

**I'm not going to insist on a review, but if you have _any _thoughts, even flames, I'll welcome them. I would like to improve as I continue so suggestions would be awesome.**

**Thank You!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you everyone for all the alerts and wonderful reviews. They make me so happy.**

**A special thanks to sayo-chan64 for being my very first review to my very first story. I never realized what a thrill it is to get a review for your story until I saw yours!**

**Disclaimer: Bleach and its characters do not belong to me. Here's the new chapter. And Karin!**

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She meets him through a coincidence. Really, she shouldn't have been in the hospital at that time and date. Where she _should _have been is at her soccer game, playing hard and beating the other team's asses. But a foul play from the opposition causes her to fracture her ankle, and she's down for the count.

Their team's medic is out sick, and her father, the man who can appear seemingly out of nowhere when one wishes most for him to disappear, is not seated in the stands because of a medical conference scheduled at the same time. How ironic that he cannot be found the one time he is needed – or even wanted.

Despite her protests, the coach thinks it best for her to be sent for a checkup at the nearest hospital. She is familiar with Karakura Hospital. Her brother is a friend of the son of the owner. Or should she say rival? She has never been quite sure of the relationship between the two. They acted as rivals, yet it was obvious to outsiders like her, and even dense people like Orihime-nee, that the two cared for one another, apparent in their willingness to help the other out of troubles.

She is driven away by the mother of one of her teammates, who came especially to cheer on her daughter. Looking up at that warm smile, she wishes, not for the first time, for her own mother. It is a foolish wish, and it always cuts through her when she is forced to realize that it will not come true. Her mother died a long time ago. But the request is not so unreasonable from a sixteen year old who has never felt the tenderness of a maternal figure. Her sister has always tried to fill the gap, and although she loves her sister to bits and appreciates the effort, it never felt the same as the memories she remembers from when she was young - when her family was whole and unbroken.

The doctor tells her she is lucky. Many ankle fractures can require surgery, but she only needs a cast to return her to top condition. Karin grumbles under her breath as the doctor splints her ankle. A cast is not lucky. It means she is not able to participate during soccer practice for the next six weeks.

She does not voice her opinions. The doctor is only trying to help raise her spirits, after all. She might have been raised in a household that included a father who routinely, and _loudly_, tried to beat up his own son, but that did not mean she did not have manners.

She has to wait in a hospital room until her brother arrives to pick her up. He was called in place of her father, who could not be reached due to his meeting. She almost laughs at her image of his hectic driving as he tries to frantically reach her as quickly as possible. Though he is only four years older and knows she is more than capable of taking care of herself, her brother still tends to be overprotective. She finds his protectiveness sweet, though she would sooner kiss her neighbor's dog than admit it to him. She has never been the type to share _feelings _and _emotions_, and all the other crap that makes a stereotypical girl. Secretly though, she loves the feeling of being protected and cared for.

This is when she meets him; not at a fancy hotel in Paris or on a romantic path with the sunset dipping low behind them, but in a cramped hospital room with her swelling leg elevated, and her uniform dirty and smelly from the game she has just played. Her hair is in a loose ponytail, the strands falling out and sticking to the dried sweat on her face.

He will tell her in the future that the first time he saw her – this moment – he thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. And she will punch his arm, her face red and lowered, and murmur for him to shut up and stop lying, causing him to shine a tender smile her way.

He walks in by accident. His destination was actually the room next door, but he was deep in thought about the troubling conversation he overheard between his parents and the doctor. He sees her sitting on the bed, and they unintentionally engage in a staring contest. She, who has never been the patient type, is the first to break the silence.

"_Who the hell are you?" _she demands, not especially caring about her rude behavior, as the boy does not look much older than her.

"_My apologies," _he answers_. "Wrong room."_

She ignores his short and unasked reply, and instead focuses her attention on his hair. It is white, and it intrigues her that such a young face could look so fitting to such a color. He notices the shift in her gaze and smirks. He is used to people's surprise at the color – so is his brother – and answers the unasked question.

"_It's natural." _

She nods, and the conversation – if it can be called that – ends. The air between them turns awkward. The tension is doubled when her brother bursts into the room. More accurately, he smashes straight into the unidentified boy. The two manage to keep their balance, but the sight is so funny that she cannot help but burst out laughing. The two watch her curiously as they try to compose themselves.

"_Sorry," _her brother apologizes quickly. The apology is obviously not sincere as his eyes never leave his little sister, but the boy must have seen the worry in his eyes, because he accepts anyway.

As the orange top has a quick word with the doctor, the white haired boy turns his attention back to her.

"_How did you hurt your ankle?" _he asks. She can tell he's asked only to fill the silence, but she launches into her story anyway. When he starts nodding sympathetically and whole-heartedly agreeing with her passionate exclaims about the unfairness of her having to sit out the soccer season, she decides she likes this stranger.

She means to ask him of his reason for being in the hospital, but her brother interrupts. His business with the doctor is finished, and he looks severely less hassled now that he knows his sister is not in any immediate danger.

Her brother grabs her bag as they prepare to leave, and the boy looks towards her.

"_Will I ever see you again?" _he asks.

She blinks at him, surprised at his question when they are still strangers, but nods nonetheless.

"_I'm coming back in a few days to get my cast put on. We can meet then."_

He nods his approval at the idea, and then notices that her brother has slipped out of the room again to receive some last minute instructions from a nurse.

"_Hey kid, do you want some help getting to the parking lot?"_

She waves aside the sincere offer and instead focuses on her idea of an insult.

"_Don't call me a kid," _she snaps, irritated at being taken for granted yet again, and this time from someone who looks to be her age.

"_Well, I don't know your name, so what else do I call you?" _he counters.

She hears the offer of friendship behind the question. By giving her name, she agrees to become his friend, yet the question also offers her the chance to decline. She considers him for a moment before smiling.

"_Kurosaki Karin," _she supplies, and holds out her hand. He grabs it right away, obviously relieved at her acceptance.

"_Hitsugaya Jyuushiro. Nice to meet you, Karin-chan."_

And then he sends her the most friendliest and true smiles she has ever received. It lights up his entire face, making him appear even more handsome, and the raven-haired tomboy feels her heart skip for the first time.

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**Bam! I bet you didn't see that coming. You are all going to hate me for doing this to you, I just know it! Don't worry, this will be a HitsuKarin, but I bet the summary makes sense now, huh?**

**At first, I thought Jyuushiro x Karin? Am I crazy? But he fits the role of Toshiro's older brother so well, and HitsuKarin is a total crack pairing too, so why not?**

**Initially, this chapter was going to be short too, but I sat down to write it and it became twice the size of the first.**

**Any thoughts would be appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This is my longest chapter so far! I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

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He is sick of all the pity and he is sick of all the fake sympathy. These people have never really known his older brother. They did not understand how heartbreaking it really was for him to wake up every morning and realize that he had his own room now. They did not realize how gut wrenching it was for him to come home everyday to a drunk mother, who did nothing but cry over baby pictures of her lost son.

Perhaps it is his mother's condition that has hit him the hardest. The bubbly woman has always been so dear to him; she has always been eccentric and happy. He has watched as her personality had slowly been sapped out of her over the years, ever since his brother had been admitted to the hospital.

Hitsugaya Rangiku is a broken woman now. Nothing anyone could say, not even her Gin – the love of her life, and the father to her children – could end her misery. She has lost her first born son, one of the proofs of the love between her husband and herself. No one lets her near the kitchen anymore - not since her husband became wary of the fact that her eyes lingered for far too long on the many knives.

She is not stupid. She knows that ending her life will not solve her problems. But the idea of cutting herself off from this pain is _so _tempting, and although her restrictions infuriate her, she cannot help but be thankful to her husband for preventing her from making that mistake. It helped her to clear her head and start the road to recovery.

The funeral is short and grievous. Many of his relatives could not make it; his family is too spread out across the globe, and those close by were too "successful and busy" to spare two hours to say goodbye to a family member. Many members of the community have come to give their condolences. He wishes they would leave; they had no right to be here when they really knew nothing of Hitsugaya Jyuushiro. Many of his brother's friends from school have come, too. The student council members look rather lost now that their president is no longer around to guide them. The tennis and track teams seem incomplete with their captain missing. In his eyes, none of them look upset or heartbroken enough. But he really doesn't care about their state; his focus is on patting his sobbing mother's back and avoiding the eyes of his unusually somber father, who is missing the large grin that made him, him.

It is during this task that he spots her.

She is standing not too far away with her family, holding her sister's hand tightly. He notes that her face bears no hint of tears, although her expression is grim, and he feels rather impressed that she can keep herself composed so well. She had been close to his brother, after all, second only to him.

For the longest time, he had only ever seen her as the girlfriend of his elder brother. She had always been there during visiting hours, making his brother laugh and show expressions that he had never thought possible of Shiro-nii. He met her the day she came for a cast, after breaking her ankle during a soccer game two years ago. He didn't like her. It was childish, but he felt as if she was taking away his brother, his best friend. Besides, he always felt as if Jyuushiro could do better than a loud-mouthed tomboy. It was only much later that he begrudgingly came to realize that she is actually a good person.

The guests seat themselves quietly as the ceremony begins.

"_Dearly beloved, w__e are gathered here today to grieve the loss of a brilliant soul," _the preacher begins, but Toushiro cannot pay attention. The preacher's words sound fake, because he speaks of a boy he has never met.

His mind blanks as he sees the coffin being carried out. His brother's corpse is inside. It is then that the realization hits him.

His brother is dead. Gone. Forever. His. Brother. Is. _Dead_.

The shock is too overwhelming. He wrenches his hand from his mother's and stands up. Nobody bothers to call after him as he runs away; the family is grieving, and his brother's friends have never gotten along with him. He doesn't care. He has never liked them much either.

He races down the paths of the cemetery, only stopping when he is so far away that he cannot see the burial anymore, and then he releases his frustration on a nearby tree. He punches and punches and punches. Soon, his knuckles rip open and blood pours out, yet he continues to assault the tree, all the while wishing that this was helping him to cope, even just a little bit. All it does is cause a sharp stab of raw pain to shoot up his arm every time his fist connects with the rough bark. It feels good.

"_You should stop or that'll get infected," _a flat voice from behind him suddenly says.

Surprised, he spins around and finds himself facing his brother's girlfriend.

_Ex-_girlfriend, he corrects himself. A dead man cannot have a relationship.

"_What do you want?" _he asks her snappishly. He really is not in the mood for her pity, or even her company. His shoulders remain tense as he waits for her to leave. She doesn't. Instead, she shrugs.

"_Don't know," _she replies. _"Just couldn't stand being around all that fake crying, so I thought I'd see what you were up to."_

His shoulders relax as her answer sinks in. So even she could feel the plasticity in the air. For some odd reason, he feels relieved. Perhaps because this proves that she loved his brother enough to tell the difference, or perhaps because it means he is not alone in hating the people gathered back there. Either way, his wish for her to leave vanishes, and instead, he feels grateful that she is the only one who bothered to follow and seek him out.

"_I miss him too, you know," _she says suddenly, shakily. _"It's not only you. But hurting yourself won't solve the problem."_

She reaches into her jeans' pocket and pulls out a handkerchief. As she steps forward to tightly wrap it around his open wound and stem the blood flow, he sends her an incredulous look. She'd never seemed the type to carry around something as feminine as an embroidered handkerchief. She sees the look she is receiving and rolls her eyes.

"_Yuzu's idea," _she informs him. _"She thought I should have something to dry my tears, in case I wanted to cry."_

"_But you're not," _he points out. He cannot keep the accusatory tone out. After all, his mother has been crying ever since the death two months ago, so why isn't Shiro-nii's girlfriend also mad with grief? He might have been impressed with her poise earlier, but that does not mean he cannot be suspicious of her ability.

"_I just figured he wouldn't want me to." _She inspects her handiwork as she tightens the cloth now wrapped around his fist. Once satisfied, she steps back and sends him a pained smile. _"He never liked for anyone to be upset, and me crying would mean that I'm not a suitable girlfriend, because then I can't even grant him his most desired wish: For everyone to be happy."_

His eyes soften at the explanation, and his heart goes out to this girl who understands his brother so well. This is a girl who loved his brother sincerely, and still does.

He remembers when he first met her, he was afraid for Shiro-nii. Afraid that his brother would fall in love with her too, and be heartbroken when he couldn't be with her. After all, he was sick, and could possibly die, and Toushiro worried that this story could only end in tragedy. But despite the obstacles, the two managed to end up together, even after knowing that one day, he would leave her. As he looks at her now, trying desperately to hold herself together for her lover's sake, even after their separation, he cannot help but decide triumphantly that his brother had one hell of a taste in women. But in a good way.

He looks down at his neatly bandaged hand before slipping under the shade of the tree he had just abused. He plops down and looks up at her. She hesitates for only a moment before following his lead. They sit back-to-back and in silence, both contemplating their own sad thoughts. Again, Karin, not being the patient type, breaks the silence.

"_Do you remember last year, when it was Shiro's birthday, and we all wanted to surprise him with a cake?"_

"_But the hospital didn't allow any food to be given to the patients until it had been checked, to make sure its ingredients didn't interfere with anyone's medications," _he remembers, smirking slightly because he knows what happens next.

He knows she is trying to lift both their spirits by remembering the good memories, but he finds her effort does not bother him as much as he knows anyone else's would have. Right now, he feels like she is the only one he could stand to talk about his brother with.

"_We knew that," _she continues, _"but we were such dumbasses that we still got him an ice-cream cake."_

"_It was his favorite," _he points out. She laughs loudly, and he feels his lips quirking up also.

"_I know! But by the time we _gave_ it to him, so much of it had melted that it was more like ice-cream cake _soup_." _She smiles gently as she continues. _"But he still ate so much, just because he didn't want us to feel bad after we went through all the trouble."_

"_And we begged him to stop, and told him we would get another cake. One that wouldn't melt."_

"_But now I'm sure that if we had gotten another one, it wouldn't have tasted anywhere near as good as the one we...drank." _And she laughs again. He joins in, though his laugh is more silent and hoarse, because he has not laughed in a long, long time.

They talk a little longer, but soon the funeral is over. Her brother and his father find them and call them over. He stands up and then offers her a hand.

She looks at it for a moment before smirking and pushing it away. She stands up herself, then slaps the dirt off of her pants. He admires that. He admires that she does not allow herself to show weakness, even now, when it is an occasion when so many do so. It gives him strength, too.

As they walk towards their awaiting families, she looks at him.

"_See you at school tomorrow?" _she asks. And he is shocked by that simple question. It reminds him that although his brother is gone, life still continues normally. It reminds him that it is okay to grieve, but there is no need to be broken forever. More importantly, it reminds him that he has a friend in her; a rare friend who is willing to be his strength and trust him to be her support, too.

He has not had a friend in years. When young, kids thought he was too different. And as he entered junior high and high school, kids began alienating him. No one talked to him unless necessary, and everyone learned to be afraid of him. For what reason, he did not know.

But looking at this tough young woman, he remembers that a long time ago, even before she and his older brother became an official item, she did not fear him; she was willing to extend a hand of friendship.

"_Yes," _he replies softly, smiling at her gently. _"See you tomorrow."_

She flashes him a wide grin before running to her family and heading with them towards the gate. As she is exiting, she looks back one last time to flash him a smile and give a small wave.

It is only hours later, when his house is quiet and he is in bed, that he realizes that in the moment she looked back, the sun illuminating her face and her smile shining so sincerely, his heart sped up.

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**So that was kind of a HitsuKarin-ish moment. I hope you liked it.**

**I've been updating so frequently, but I have school tomorrow so my updates might come farther apart. No worries, the next couple will be updated quickly; Chapter 4 is already half way done and I've started on Chapter 5.**

**Any opinions are welcome!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

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Her sister has bought a new pack of colorful sharpies especially for this day. She is probably just trying to make her feel better about the cast, but Karin feels as if it is a waste of time. She has fallen into a state of gloom ever since she found out her team lost the match, and all because she was careless enough to get hurt and abandon them.

Her teammates assure her several times that they do not blame her; the other team played dirty and only won because the referee was too oblivious. But Karin still feels as if the blame falls on her. As the captain, she should have been there to knock the ref upside the head and force him to red card those cheaters.

Her father tries to cheer her up as they make their way to Karakura Hospital.

"_This just means that you're one step closer to being completely healed," _he points out, and she feels a little better. He might have been a complete idiot, but at least her dad knew when to keep his stupidity to a minimum.

"_And until then, I'll buy a whole bunch of mustard and cucumbers!" _Strike that. Apparently, his seriousness had a time limit.

When they enter the hospital, she has a huge scowl on her face, and her father is sporting a huge bump on his head.

A nurse leads them to the same room she had waited in, and met the strange white haired boy in, only a few days prior. The nurse apologizes profusely after informing them that the doctor would be very late to their appointment. There was a large car pileup not too far away and the entire hospital staff is needed to assist the number of casualties.

Her father, forever the compassionate doctor, offers his assistance. The nurse sighs in relief and accepts, because Kurosaki Isshin is well known in this hospital for having a "close" relationship with the owner, and for being a highly respected doctor.

She is left to wait alone, and is unable to move by herself because of the state of her ankle.

So, she counts the ceiling tiles. There are exactly 156 white tiles arranged in a ten by fifteen grid, with a few peculiar ones added because of turns and corners in the room. Every fifth column is followed by a panel of light, stretching from one end of the room to the other.

There is a footprint on one of the tiles. Huh. She wonders how that got up there. Did someone take off their shoe and throw it at the ceiling? Or did one of the workers step on the tile as the room was being built?

She is about to lose her mind from the sheer boredom (and a little bit because of the mystery of the footprint) when she sees it.

A clump of white appears in the doorway, and is immediately followed by the all too familiar face.

Hitsugaya Jyuushiro notices her arrival when a nurse leads someone into the usually unoccupied room beside his own. Well, it became unoccupied when the cancer patient that had previously resided in it had passed on. Curious, he peeks around the door frame and recognizes Karin as the intriguing girl he had met a few days before. He notices she notices him.

"_You know, you look like a creeper," _she informs him, looking rather amused.

He chuckles as he realizes she is correct, and straightens himself to stand in the doorway.

"_I thought I recognized you. Did you come here for your cast?" _She nods as he seats himself on the bed next to her.

"_I'm just waiting for the doctor to get here."_

"_Yes, I heard about the accident. It is such a shame for all those poor people." _And he looks so genuinely concerned that Karin cannot help but appreciate his existence. This was a person who truly cared for others and held no bad sentiments.

"_Well, my dad went to help out so I'm stuck here alone." _Her new friend smiles.

"_Well, if you will permit it, I would love to relieve you from your desolation." _She chuckles and informs him that he sounds like a textbook. He chuckles too.

"_Well, I was raised this way. My little brother is the one who speaks as, what one would describe, a normal person, although he is hardly normal."_

She is surprised to learn he has a little brother, until she realizes that she knows next to nothing about her new acquaintance, except that his name is Hitsugaya Jyuushiro.

She feels as if she needs to learn more about him. After all, she knows the entire life story of all of her other friends – even some of the repugnant details she never wanted to know – although this comes from years of companionship. But still, to build a true friendship, she needs to trust him. And to trust him, she needs to know him.

"_Yes. He's rather shy, though please don't tell him I've said that. He doesn't get along well with other people very much; he is just not very trusting."_

"_Sounds just like my older brother."_

"_Really? From the short meeting I encountered with him this past week, I would have inferred different." _She laughs, remembering her brother's animated behavior, and he laughs along too. It sounds polite and proper, but well used.

"_Well, that was a one time deal. You count yourself lucky you got to see that because it only happens every once in a blue moon. Most of the time, he's a depressed loner. Even he knows it!"_

"_And you?" _he asks her, sounding decidedly curious. _"What are you usually like?"_

The question is innocent, yet to her it seems so unfamiliar that she cannot help but feel embarrassingly timid. No one has ever cared to inquire about her before.

"_I'm...just me. What you see is what you get."_

"_How refreshing," _he replies kindly, and she feels her heart thump loudly.

She wonders if she is possibly coming down with something. This _is _her second time in a hospital this week, and perhaps she has caught one of the many viruses present in the building. One that deregulates the beating of her heart, and redirects all of her blood flow to her cheeks.

She makes a mental note to ask her doctor.

Deciding that it is best to change the topic, she searches around for a subject and notices the clock hanging above the doorway. It reads three o'clock. Visiting hours have only just begun, and this observation opens a gateway for a topic she has been pondering ever since their first meeting.

She asks him for his reason for being in the hospital. It has occurred to her that although they made a promise to meet here, there had been no guarantee that he would show at the right time.

Her companion offers a grim smile before pointing at his clothes.

A feeling of dread twists her heart as she notices the hospital gown he is wearing, identical to ones the many sick patients she had seen on the way to this room had been clothed in. She is at a loss for words, never having been one for comforting words and reassuring gestures.

Her sister has always told her she needs to be more observing and compassionate of others, although that was when she was facing suspension for starting her third fight of the semester, back in eighth grade. She suddenly wishes she had taken her twin's advice.

She is unsure of how to ask the question without sounding heartless. However, he understands her silence.

Tuberculosis, he informs her. The doctors once attempted to treat him with antibiotics, but his immune system is particularly weaker than the average human, proven by the fact that he contracted sickness very easily from other children when younger. The bacteria slowly overcame his protection and spread. As a result, he was admitted into the hospital to be monitored.

She is still unsure of what to say, having never encountered someone living his lifestyle. She awkwardly tries to look sensitive, but not pitying, and _definitely _not sympathetic. She has learned from years of being a nurse in her family's clinic that claiming to be understanding of someone's harsh conditions, when you can never _truly _understand, will only be upsetting.

She is saved from the awkward air when a loud voice is heard coming from the room next door – his room.

"_Shiro-nii?"_

Jyuushiro apparently recognizes the caller, because he replies.

"_I'm in here, chibi me!"_

The caller follows the sound of his voice and an unfamiliar figure appears in the same doorway her recent friend had been standing in moments before.

Karin is shocked to learn that there are _two _young men that sport the same white hair color that usually characterizes an old man. The one in the doorway is a lot shorter than Jyuushiro and has very vivid green eyes, but the two look shockingly similar in every other aspect. They look more like twins than she and Yuzu!

She is so caught up in her own analysis that she does not notice the glare she is receiving from the stranger, but is brought out of her thoughts by Jyuushiro's introduction.

"_Karin. Meet my baby brother, Hitsugaya Toushiro."_

"_What's she doing here?" _the younger version of her friend asks. Jyuushiro smiles.

"_This is my new friend, Kurosaki Karin." _The arrival looks unimpressed.

"_I know who she is," _comes the short reply, and both occupants on the bed look at him in surprise.

"_The violent tomboy who's captain of the Karakura High soccer team, right?" _It does not sound like a question; he is sure of himself. And he is correct.

"_Yeah. How did you know that?" _she asks. He rolls his eyes.

"_We go to the same school," _he informs her airily. She flushes slightly, and is irritated that he speaks as if she is dense. Though she must be to have missed him in the hallways.

Jyuushiro apparently does not feel the tense atmosphere between them because he smiles widely.

"_How wonderful," _he says. _"You two can be such great friends."_

She ignores the look she is getting from the stranger at the door; the superior smirk that obviously states that she not get her hopes up, because that's not happening. Instead, she tries to be the bigger person – what better revenge than being seen as the better person in Jyuushiro's eyes? – and grins.

"_What a great idea!" _she exclaims, purposely sounding overly enthusiastic about the idea that makes her want to upchuck. She turns to Hitsugaya Toushiro. _"It's very nice to meet you!"_

He realizes she has upstaged him, and she smirks when she notices the look on his face has changed into a scowl.

What she doesn't notice – or chooses to ignore – is the warm feeling she experiences when she notices Jyuushiro beaming in her direction.

Her father chooses to return in that moment, and is closely followed by her doctor, who is profusely thanking him for all of his help. He laughs loudly, and thumps the poor doctor so hard on the back that his glasses become askew on his nose, all the while exclaiming boisterously that there was no need to thank him.

"_After all, I did what any muscular, intelligent and devilishly handsome man would do in the situation. Right, my dear and darling daughter?" _He begins flexing his arms, and adopts a foolish grin that makes it obvious to the people in the room that he is the type of man to own twelve pairs of overalls, in bright assorted colors, which he chooses to actually wear in public.

She inwardly groans at the skeptical he is making of himself. The doctor looks unsure of how to react., but what angers her most is the triumphant look she is receiving from Toushiro, as if to suggest that it is obvious this foolish man is related to her.

She herself curls her fist tightly, futilely attempting to resist the punch she so badly wants to administer to her father.

In a last ditch effort, she grabs her leg, dramatizing a fake look of pain. Her father suddenly adopts a professional seriousness at remembering his daughter's condition. The doctor is broken out of his trance and informs the two fair headed brothers that they must exit the room in order for him to tend to her injuries peacefully.

She is not sad to see the younger immediately head out, but feels a strange sense of loneliness when Jyuushiro follows. An odd sense of relief washes over her when he turns back.

"_Will I ever see you again?" _he repeats the same question he had asked during their last meeting.

She ponders his question, and then promises to come visit him the next day, during visiting hours. She has her license; her father has only accompanied her today because she is underage, and not allowed to sign her own medical forms.

A large smile splits out across his face and she returns it. Over his shoulder, she can see the younger Hitsugaya glaring at her, as if she has personally wronged him by agreeing to take up more of his elder brother's time. She resists the urge to stick out her tongue.

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**I am so unsatisfied with this chapter. I am so sorry to disappoint you guys with this one, but I just needed a chapter in which to explain Jyuushiro's condition and progress his relationship with Karin. Which reminds me, does anyone actually know Ukitake's disease? I've read that it's tuberculosis, but I think it's just a fan assumption.**

**If you remember, I hinted at Karin and Toushiro's bumpy first meeting in the last chapter, and here it is.**

**And in case any of you are wondering about Isshin's remark at the beginning of the chapter, apparently rubbing hot mustard oil or cucumbers on a broken foot is suppposedly an old home remedy for helping swelling go down. I'm not denying that it works, but the idea of it sounded so ridiculous that it seemed like something Isshin would suggest.**

**It seems I'm still experiencing the euphoria of my first published story becasue I still get the jitters everytime I see a review for my story. So please share any thoughts (though I expect to get flames for this chapter - which I will allow because I didn't like this chapter either)!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

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It's been half a year since his brother's heart stopped pumping. His mother has long since run out of tears to cry, but her supply of booze to drink seems endless. He briefly wonders if he should get her some help, but his father has not said a word about her condition, so he doesn't.

It's been four months since his brother was put underground. School has changed. A long time ago, he would have thought for the better. But now, he wishes it had not. The student body begins speaking with him consistently, and not to put him down as they have done for so many years. However, he wishes everyone would stop apologizing for his loss, because he knows they are not truly sorry. These are the same people who once made him dread coming to school after all.

His brother's ex-girlfriend seems to be in the same predicament. The only difference is, she does not send the speaker an icy look and walk away without uttering a single word, like he does. Instead, the last girl to send her a sympathetic look is taken to the infirmary, with blood gushing out of her broken nose.

She is not suspended. Instead, the principal forces her to begin seeing the school's guidance counselor daily. The faculty thinks her grief is too strong and she needs to be given help in order to progress.

It pisses her off. At any other time, she would have been suspended, as this is not her first offense against another student, and she and the principal have never been on good terms. So this sudden acceptance of her behavior can only mean pity, and she cannot stand pity.

Or so she tells him one afternoon as they walk home together. It has become a routine for him to pick her up from her classroom every afternoon, sling her bag over his shoulder (although it took many days for her protesting of this to finally stop), and walk with her back to her family's clinic.

During these walks, she is the only one to bother supplying conversation. His end is punctuated with grunts and head shakes, and he appreciates when she does not harp on him for it.

He has long since forced himself to forget that one foolish moment in the cemetery; the moment he eyed his older brother's girl. He loved – _still loves –_ his brother very much, and will convince himself that the quickening of his heart was no more than a brief moment of melancholy at his brother's burial, for his sake...no matter how ridiculous it sounds to himself.

So he is sure to remind himself of how happy his brother always was when he was with her; how he always seemed to forget his sickness when she was around, how excited he used to get during visiting hours because he knew she was coming, how he used to laugh so much in her presence.

At first, their relationship made the younger Hitsugaya wary. The idea of his brother dating someone younger was very off putting, especially because said girl was the same age as himself and attended the same school as both. A two year difference was not a cause of worry, but it still made him uneasy to think that his older brother was dating his classmate.

His parents didn't seem to think it strange. They adored her, because she was so _charming, _and _spirited_, and they felt as if she was a good influence on _both _of the soft spoken Hitsugaya brothers. She was always invited to dinners during Jyuushiro's temporary releases from the hospital, always included in their special holidays, always brought up in a conversation. She was family.

They pass by the park and are hit with a feeling of nostalgia. Jyuushiro had always enjoyed nature, probably because he rarely got a chance to experience it. They remember picking flowers here everyday to present to the patient, remember relishing in his delighted smile when he received them, remember helping him place them in a vase full of water.

They pass by the ice cream parlor and are hit with a feeling of sentimentality. They remember the trips to this same shop, remember slurping ice cream on a hot summer day on the days the elder Hitsugaya brother was allowed discharge from his hospital room, remember laughing as the ice cream quickly melted over their fingers.

They recall these memories, but do not speak of them; voicing their recollections has a way of diminishing their surreal quality. Instead, they familiarize themselves with each other during their walk home, but even then, thoughts of Jyuushiro are with them.

He learns she wants to be a lawyer, because her boyfriend was always so sympathetic with others' misfortunes; she learns he wants to be a doctor, to save the lives of those who have a chance, and even those who do not, like his brother.

She learns he has taken over as captain of tennis and track in place of his brother, who can no longer lead the teams to victory; he learns she has taken over as student council president in place of her boyfriend, who can no longer direct the school into remaining the top in the district.

They learn that they are both clinging onto the memory of the one they have lost, and they both have no desire to let go.

They arrive at her door and she invites him in for dinner. After a moment's hesitation, he declines. If he does not get home, his mother will not bother to eat, and he has promised himself he will take care of her.

The raven haired girl shrugs, grabs her bag from his arm and heads inside. He watches her until the front door slams shut.

The next day at school, he receives a surprise. His classroom's representative (nervously) informs him of his requested presence in the principal's office. Once there, he is surprised to see his brother's ex-girlfriend seated inside, with a scowl on her face.

The man behind the chair informs him that they – the school administration and staff – see it best that he receive grief counseling along with the raven headed tomboy present. Despite his icy protests, they are ordered to report to the counselor's office.

They are _both _wearing a scowl when they arrive. She looks like she wants to bolt, but is too late, because the door swings open.

The two are flabbergasted at the sight that awaits them inside. Large posters of bunnies, dressed in ridiculous outfits and surrounded by different backgrounds, are plastered onto every inch of the walls of the room. On the bookshelves are picture books with bunnies on the cover and on her desk is a figurine of, what looks like, two rabbits smooching.

The counselor's introduces herself as Kuchiki Rukia. Although she looks to be an average woman in her early twenties, the two infer differently from her taste in decoration. Neither are ready to lay out their life stories in a bout of emotional tears to this strange woman.

They don't have to.

Despite her first impression – or rather, her room's first impression – Kuchiki Rukia excels at her chosen line of work; that's why she chose it. She does not expect either to narrate their inner turmoils, because she understands that no person in grief will be so trusting of a stranger.

Instead, she turns their attention to a small photo standing on her desk. It is cased within a very simple frame, and is not very eye catching; it is overshadowed by the excessive amounts of rabbits in the room, and would have been missed by both had the counselor not pointed it out.

It depicts the image of the young counselor with her arms wrapped around a man with spiky raven hair.

Shiba Kaien, her fiancée, she informs them. Or so he was, until he was killed in a brutal car accident two months before their wedding, which should have taken place two years ago. They were young, but deeply in love.

She regales them with their tale of meeting each other, defying her elder brother who did not approve, running away together, and being cruelly ripped apart by death.

The two listen, mystified. She does not shed a tear through the entire story, and that is what draws them to her. She represents what they wish to be in the future; apathetic, enduring, and strong.

The meeting ends soon after. The group has not once discussed the tragedy that has brought them together in the first place, yet the two students feel on the mend, if only for the moment. Kuchiki Rukia is bewitching.

The tomboyish student briefly wonders whether her brother desires a girlfriend, because she has found a prime candidate.

Before the two head to class, they find themselves promising to return the next day for their scheduled appointment, despite their previous agitation toward the idea. The session has made a strange impact.

But it takes many, many more meetings for them to finally show signs of recovery, even in the smallest ways; one day, rather than heading toward the park as per usual, she decides to take a sudden detour. He follows, and the two begin brushing up on each other, as usual.

He learns she aced her math test, the one she has been fretting over, because his notes were a big help; she learns he is irritated with his science class' substitute, because the woman has been late all week.

She learns he has started cram school, in preparation for their upcoming exams; he learns she has begun sending out applications to universities, because their graduation is fast approaching.

They are halfway home when he realizes they have not once mentioned their usual topic; his elder brother.

It is rather refreshing to walk companionably beside each other, but not be plagued with the thoughts of their lost one, because this route is not Jyuushiro's. It is theirs, as of today and, unknown to both, will be put to good use in the days to come.

She apparently has not realized their feat yet; she is too busy taking an interest in him only, and he feels strangely grateful for this.

So much so that, when they reach her front door, he finally accepts her invite to dinner.

Throughout the evening, he remains light hearted at the idea of someone – _her – _caring enough to inquire about him. He is unaware that this is how her attraction towards his brother began.

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**Hopefully this chapter answered the relationship/age questions any of you had about any of the characters. If not, please check my profile, because I have an Important Info section for this story there. If you still have questions after that, feel free to ask in a review, or PM me. I'll either answer the question, or let you know if I plan on clearing up the confusion in a future chapter.**

**Thank you for taking the time to read!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

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As promised, she returns the next day. And the next day, and the next, and the next. Soon, it has become routine for her to head to the hospital immediately after school, stopping only to pick up pickled ume ochazuke every once in a while, because she has learned it is his favorite.

She thanks Kami for her broken ankle, which allows her to skip soccer practice after class, which has become more frequent because of the upcoming game in the following week that will decide whether her team will reach the regional championships. Although, a few weeks ago, she was finally given a walking cast, which means she is on the road to recovery.

She has become used to the presence of the younger brother, who is always present when she arrives and never leaves his elder brother's side until visiting hours have ended. She wonders if he has a brother complex.

She learns he chooses not to participate in any school activities and finds this strange, especially when she comes to know of his genius IQ. She knows the Mathletes and Science Decathlon teams at her school are like vultures, always scavenging for any fresh meat that can help ensure victory in competitions. She knows this because part of her older brother's high school life was spent avoiding both groups; he is smarter than he looks.

The rest of the Hitsugaya family visits too. She is surprised that the mother of the reserved brothers is so bubbly, or that their father never seems to stop smiling. It's rather awkward to be in their presence at times, but she does enjoy their company, especially because they so readily approved of her.

When she arrives at the hospital, she is greeted by the staff, who have become accustomed to her frequent visits. She greets them back, politely denying their offer of assistance because of her leg injury as she heads to her friend's room.

Inside, she is not surprised to see two heads of white hair.

"_Hello, Karin-chan," _her friend greets her kindly, albeit a little weakly. She smiles widely in return, despite her growing concern. Her friend has become very pale recently, and she is worried his condition is worsening recently.

The smile drops when she returns the glare she is receiving from the other in the room.

Suddenly, Jyuushiro lurches forward, clutching his chest. He tries to wave them away with his hand, but needs it seconds later in order to cover his mouth as violent coughs rack his body.

"_Shiro-sempai!" _Karin cries, extremely worried and showing it. Her senior does not answer; he is too busy trying to calm his shallow breathing.

When he finally pulls his hand away, both her and his brother are horrified to see the patch of red on it. Blood.

The panic in both of them is evident as they hurriedly try to find a napkin for him. It is her who finally remembers her sister's handkerchief is in her bag, and pulls it out.

She wipes his hand despite his protests; the cloth has been carefully embroidered and he feels terrible defiling it.

As she puts it away, she catches the eye of the younger brother. He is glaring at her, obviously annoyed that she beat him to the punch, not to mention actually touched his brother. But she does not take offense, because she can tell by his relieved posture that he is grateful for her assistance.

She smiles reassuringly in his direction, but turns back to the patient when he does not respond to it.

She asks him of his condition. He smiles weakly, but has no way to avoid the question.

His condition has slowly worsened overnight, because he left a hospital window open. As a result, he has caught a small cold, which has strained his body and effected his illness.

She glares at him at the end of his explanation, irritated at his irresponsibility.

"_The point of being in a hospital is so that you get better," _she lectures. _"Not so you can stupidly get worse! You couldn't have taken two seconds to shut the window after you realized you were cold?"_

He apologizes profusely, slightly afraid of her anger.

"_Apology not accepted, sempai," _she continues ruthlessly. _"Do you think either me or Mood-and-Gloom over here wanted to see that?"_

The other visitor glares at her description. She notices that he does that a lot.

"_I apologize, Karin-chan. I did not mean to make you worry."_

"_Now hold on a minute. Whoever said I was worried? I'm just shocked that somebody your age could be careless enough to leave a window open at night when you're sick."_

And she looks away huffing, embarrassed about being found out. Jyuushiro only chuckles.

"_Well, perhaps some dessert will make you feel better. The nurse informed me that there is some ohagi available in the hospital's cafeteria. I'm rather craving some at the moment."_

And completely forgetting the angry lecture he had received only moments before about taking care of himself, he pulls off his blankets and attempts to stand up.

She blows up. Or, is about to until the third occupant of the room quickly speaks up.

"_Shiro-nii," _he says firmly. _"You're sick. You stay in bed and I'll get you some dessert."_

She immediately argues that she will get it. She wants to be the one to make Jyuushiro happy. He apparently has the same idea because he refuses point blank, pointing out her cast. She insists that it does not hurt and she is more than able to ride an elevator to the lunchroom with it.

"_We're both going," _she compromises through gritted teeth. She knows she is acting childish, but something about this boy makes her competitive. And she is perfectly clear about what they are competing for.

He rolls his eyes, and she follows him out the door.

"_How lovely that you two are getting along so splendidly," _Jyuushiro calls after them as they depart.

He snorts and she feels the same way.

Heading down to the cafeteria is an uneasy task. They know their way well, but do not appreciate the company they are in.

She has never been comfortable with silence, as many who know her have guessed, but she does not know what to say to him. Turns out, she is saved by a quiet wailing around the corner. The two look at one another momentarily before nodding and heading towards the noise.

A small child is standing in the middle of the hallway with a curled fist rubbing his eyes, giant tears smudging his face. He is not wearing a hospital gown, alerting them that he is a visitor rather than a patient. As they step closer to investigate, the reason for his crying becomes obvious.

Lying two feet in front of him is a pudding cup, its contents spilled all over the floor.

Both immediately head into action; Karin bends down and tries to comfort the boy, as her companion heads into the restroom close by. He grabs paper towels and cleans up the spilled dessert off the floor.

When he returns from discarding the trash, he finds Karin using her sleeve to wipe up the kid's face; her sister's handkerchief is stained and still in Jyuushiro's hospital room.

The child laugh as she allows him to blow his nose into her cuff. She grins, and the white haired automaton smirks at her display.

"_How about you come with us to the cafeteria and we'll buy you a new pudding cup?" _she offers, and the child agrees happily.

With a new companion, the group heads down to the lunchroom. It is filled with young kids and elderly patients and visitors. Despite the old jokes about hospital and airplane food, the room is filled with a delicious aroma.

As they head toward the line, she begins taking out her wallet, and gets the surprise of her life when Jyuushiro's younger brother suddenly grabs her arm.

"_I'll pay," _he says simply, and takes out his own money. She flushes at this offer. Feminist protocol demands that she not allow him to treat her. And partly, her pride.

"_No," _she refuses. He raises his eyebrows. _"I can pay for myself."_

"_No one said you can't, but we're here for _my _brother, so I'll pay."_

She glares at him. Jyuushiro is her friend too!

"_I _said _I'll-"_

She is cut off by a tug on her school uniform's skirt. When she looks down, she sees the little boy looking anxious.

"_It's out turn!" _he informs her, sounding worried that they would miss the opportunity to but their food. She chuckles.

"_Okay. What flavor would you like?"_

The child immediately grabs the chocolate pudding from a stack near him. She grins, remembering the times as a kid when she used to get so eager for any chance to eat something sweet.

When she turns back to the food, she notices that her schoolmate has already grabbed enough ohagi for three people and is fishing out money from his wallet.

She beats him to it and hands the awaiting woman behind the counter some cash, smirking when she sees his scowl.

It is still there when they escort the kid to his mother, and it is still there when they arrive back in Jyuushiro's room.

Said patient is delighted by the dessert. He eats it with a joyful smile on his face and rice stuck to his mouth, and she giggles at the adorable spectacle. He has always been so mature, but there are times when he acts like a kid around her. It makes her happy.

He speeds through his dessert, and even steals some from his younger brother. As the three finish, he suddenly feels thirsty.

"_Chibi me," _he turns to his brother. _"Can you get me some water?"_

This time, there is no way for her to weasel her way into the task, as he specifically asked another. Therefore, the two are left alone as they wait for the water.

She realizes this with a jolt, and suddenly wonders why she wanted to leave in the first place.

"_Karin-chan" _he says to her. She gives him her full attention, despite feeling nervous about being alone with him for the first time in a while; his brother had always been present ever since the day she got her cast. _"I want to thank you."_

She raises an eyebrow. That is not what she expected him to say.

"_I've always worried for my brother. You see, he does not trust people easily, meaning he does not make friends easily, because...his classmates had the tendency to bully him when younger, and I've always worried. But now that he has met you, he finally has a chance for a friend, which relieves me. So, thank you."_

He smiles warmly at her, not realizing she feels wretched inside.

The two have never gotten along, though this is because of their rivalry for Jyuushiro's affections rather than any personal grudges, and she realizes now why he has never liked her.

She understands what it is like to be bullied. Her brother has always been isolated because of his natural hair color and misunderstood eyes. She, herself, has always felt alienated by sexist comments from young boys who refused to accept her, despite her tomboy personality.

She has been stealing the one friend the boy had had; his elder brother. Although there is no way she could just stop seeing Jyuushiro altogether, she wants to make up for all the bad blood between his brother and herself.

When he returns with three bottles of water, she makes sure to thank him sincerely. If he is surprised by this sudden change in personality, he does not comment.

She thinks hard during the rest of her visit. As she watches him, she realizes he is not the soulless robot she thought, but just a lonely victim. She feels a connection, and realizes she want to know him better. Maybe by doing so, she could help him overcome he bullies, just as she and her own brother did.

She is given the chance to extend her friendship when visiting hours end.

As the two are leaving. He pulls her aside and shoves something into her hands. It's the same amount of money she payed for their sweet rice, and she instantly tries to give it back.

"_No," _he refuses. _"That's how much I owe you-"_

"_You don't owe me anything," _she interrupts. At the same time, she slips the money back into his hand, stepping away when he tries to return it to her. _"I paid because I wanted to treat you." _And here, she smiles. _"Besides, friends don't have to pay each other back."_

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**I realized it has been too long since I updated, so I buckled down and wrote this chapter today. Besides, it helps that today was a half day in school and it was the end of our first grading period for the semester, meaning I had extra time and no homework.**

**If anybody remembers, Toushiro mentioned in an earlier chapter that Karin tried to befriend him even before she and Jyuushiro started dating, and here it is in this chapter.**

**If anybody cares to know, I plan on updating _An Unexpected Suitor _next. I've already started typing the next chapter out, althought it will also be short like the first; it's just to transition the story into the longer chapters coming up. But I've also got half of the next chapter of this story written out, so hopefully I can update this soon too.**

**Please review; I love them almost as much as I adore Bleach!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

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As he steps out of the locker room, feeling very uncomfortable in his new uniform and holding his elder brother's old tennis racket in his hand, he looks out at the stands.

She has not arrived yet.

With a slightly disheartened sigh, he steps out tot the tennis court, awaiting the arrival of the rest of the team.

He is not looking forward to this. Despite the hours he has put into practicing, there is still a doubt in his ability from his teammates. This distrust will only be heightened if he loses his match today.

She has assured him countless times that he is excellent in form and in agility. Her faith is a relief, but uncertainty still returns today.

The coach, a burly man with countless, mysterious tattoos on his face, suddenly claps him on the back.

"_Don't mess up today, kid. I let you join 'cause your brother was my best player but I got no room for sissy losers on this team."_

"_Yes Coach Zaraki," _he replies curtly, thinking irritably that the man took tennis too seriously, especially because it involved men dressed in white short shorts prancing around the court in order to chase _balls._

The coach regards him carefully before heading into the locker room to encourage the rest of the team to pick up the pace.

Slowly, the bleachers begin to fill with eager students and parents waiting to cheer on their friends or children.

He thinks briefly of his own parents. His mother is, no doubt, passed out in the middle of a ring of liquor bottles. His father is working, unaware that his youngest son's first match is today.

And his brother's ex-girlfriend...

He looks out at the audience again, hoping to catch a glimpse of her raven hair or pale skin, but she is still nowhere to be found.

The feeling of being let down is intense.

"_Why so glum, Hisugaya-san?" _a voice asks from behind. He turns to send Kyoraku-sempai, his brother's ex-best friend, an icy glare.

"_What are you doing here?" _he asks, not taking any care to be polite; he has never liked the man, because of his perverted tendencies. The man, nonetheless, breaks out into a wide grin.

"_I always come to watch the games. It's habit from when Shiro was alive."_

The blunt reminder of his family member's death pierces his heart, but he remains standing strong.

"_It's nice to see you branching out," _the older man continues, eying his tennis uniform. He is undoubtedly laughing on the inside at how uncomfortable the teen looks. _"Shiro would have been _so_ proud."_

The smile he sends seems more teasing then sincere, and the white haired youngster glares before heading to his brother's team.

The coach is unsuccessfully trying to give a pep talk. All he accomplishes is spiraling the players into despair as he unknowingly sends hints that a loss means immediate dismissal from the team. Or death.

"_All right, wimps. This is it. We've practiced, and if _any _of you embarrass my by lettin' a single ball pass you, you'll have hell to pay."_

Here, he pauses to menacingly crack his knuckles and glare through the scarred eye not covered by his frighteningly suspicious eye patch. The team gulps collectively. Well, all but two.

Madarame Ikkaku and Ayasegawa Yumichika are sending the insane captain admiring looks, both looking as if they could swoon at any given moment.

The newest member of the bunch rolls his eyes at the odd display. Idiots.

And to think his brother used to put up with this everyday.

Speaking of putting up with something everyday, where was that strong willed tomboy that had promised she would be here to support him?

He looks around again, thinking that he has perhaps missed her in the growing crowd, because he knows her well enough now to understand she alway fulfills her promises. It is part of her stubborn personality.

He allows his shoulders to lose their tense position when he sees her car pulling into the parking lot nearby. She opens the door and steps out. Her legs appear first, and he is entranced by the tone muscle. The rest of her follows, and he feels sudden relief.

As she catches his eye, her face breaks out into a smile and she rushes to him. His eyes never leave her; he is captivated and does not notice anything else around him.

"_Sorry it took so long," _she says, grinning. _"I had to bring someone along and your house is _way _too far away."_

He stiffens instantly at this, confused but expecting the worst.

"_Who-"_

"_Toushiro!" _He is cut off by a shrill cry he knows all too well, though it has been so long since he has heard it. How can he have been too enthralled to miss such a shocking appearance by the person he did not expect to see?

"_Okaa-san?" _he gasps at the strawberry-haired woman grinning at him. _"What are you doing here?"_

She lunges at him, crushing his face against her breasts.

"_Did you really think I would miss my baby's first game?" _she coos. _"No way, silly. I'm here to cheer on my sweet pea!"_

She takes no care in lowering the volume of her voice. He feels his face heat up at the stares in their direction.

It does not help that the one responsible for bringing his mother is stifling a laugh with her hand, obviously enjoying the embarrassment she has caused.

He roughly pushes himself out of the embrace he is locked in and fixes a stern expression on his mother.

"_Are you drunk?" _he demands. Her face falls at the question.

"_Of course not." _She is serious and solemn as she answers, and he immediately feels ashamed for being so harsh.

_"You see, Toush," _his schoolmate steps in. Toush. He likes it, _"I swung by your house this morning after you left for practice. I'll tell you, it's a real dump! Do you guys _ever _clean up after yourselves? Anyway, I thought your mommy showing up might make you feel better about playing, since you sounded so scared on the phone. I'm not even kidding. I'm surprised you haven't pissed yourself yet. Anyway, so I swung by and got her sobered up; sleep, water, meds, food, the whole deal. And here we are."_

He grits his teeth to show his annoyance at the long, and embarrassing, explanation, but the gratitude he feels cannot be expressed. How has she managed to do what he has not had the courage to do for so long?

He has always been afraid that pointing out his mother's problem would only worsen it, or anger his father, who refuses to admit that the remaining members of his family are crumbling apart.

_"Aww, my poor baby was scared?" _his mother suddenly squeals. _"Mommy's here now sweetheart, so there no need to worry."_

Her being here means there is double the amount to worry about.

_"Well baby," _he hears his mother continue, and turns his attention towards her. _"I'll be in the stands. Do good!"_

And she bounces away to try and find a good seat.

To his exasperation, she does this by seducing the two men seated in the center front row seats. The two blushing young students immediately abandon their chairs to the shameless married woman...who is sending him a victory sign.

He inhales through his nose deeply, trying to keep his temper in check. Not surprisingly, it helps when he hears her tinkling laugh from behind.

He has long ago realized, and accepted, his feelings for the dark haired tomboy, after night after sleepless night and painful visits to the cemetery, during which he spent hours apologizing profusely, with his head bowed down with shame, to the gravestone marked _Hitsugaya Jyuushiro._

His guilt and self hatred have him convinced that the greatest sin he can ever commit is actually _acting_ on his feelings. She is off limits, and he will admire from afar only, with disgrace.

"_You know this is all your fault," _he says sharply. She grins mischievously.

"_Why can't you just say 'thank you' like a normal person?" _she wonders aloud, rolling her eyes.

"_Oh, thank you so much for bringing my alcoholic mother to my first tennis game where I'll probably embarrass myself and have to hear about it for the rest of eternity when she never lets me forget about it."_

"_You're welcome," _she replies, cheekily. _"Now you get out there and make me proud!"_

With a wave, she runs out to join his mother in the stands. He watches her until his teammates call for him to join them off the court so the game can begin.

He thanks Kami his brother played singles because he is sure it is impossible for him to find a member he can play doubles with harmoniously enough to actually win.

He seats himself on a bench, tuning out everything, because there is no need for him to pay any attention until he is playing.

Madarame and Ayasegawa easily win their games, earning themselves pats on their back from the coach, causing them to beam. It's almost cute how much they adore the guy.

When he is called, he meets his first opponent on the court.

The man on the other side of the net is not what he expected. His challenger has the same deep green eyes as him, the same stoic expression, the same short stature. It is a complete surprise, and he wonders whether this man is even here willingly. After all, both are sporting the same bored face, like they would rather be anywhere else.

The two shake hands quickly as is required, and take their positions. Although the game has not even started yet, he can already hear loud cheers directed at him coming from the center of the front row. His ears burn in embarrassment.

The ball is thrown into the air and smashes against his opponent's racket with amazing strength. It flies at him at breakneck speed, and bounces once...twice...

It is his first chance, and he misses.

The Karakura crowd groans collectively as the ref announces fifteen-love to his competitor.

However, he has not lost hope. He uses the first shot as an opportunity to analyze his opposer's playing style; his rival waits for the ball to come down to a slightly lower level than most are used to, most probably because of his height, making his shots fly slightly in a different pattern over the net. The furious strength he uses when slamming his racket against the ball causes him to lose greater balance. He needs slightly more time after a hit to regain his stance, and that is the perfect opportunity to counter him.

The next one comes at him faster, but he is ready. He watches the ball fly closely, predicting its flight pattern, and rushes to one end of the court. He has to hit it before his rival regains his balance. The ball comes right at him, and instead of hitting it off to a side where it would be _near _impossible for the opponent to rush to it in time, he sends it flying straight to the player. His opponent sees it coming, but has not recovered his stability enough to hit back properly. He tries to send it back, his racket managing to make a hit at the last second, but there is not enough force, and the ball just hits the net before rolling away.

The score is tied, and he is not so embarrassed this time by the loud cries he can hear from his cheerleaders.

The game is long. He realizes he must not underestimate his opponent, for he also calculates every move that is made on the court. Both change their playing styles frequently to suit the counterattacks.

After all his hard work, the score is two sets to one set. His opponent has won the match, and walks off stoically.

He heads back off the court, and is stopped by the captain.

_"Good match, kid. Normally, I would kick someone off the team for losin', but since you were playin' against their best player and managed to win even one set, I'll let you stay."_

_"Thank you, Coach," _he says crisply, before quickly walking towards the locker room.

Once again, he is stopped. But this time, the interruption is welcome.

_"Toush, that was amazing!" _His first love interest rushes at him and he feels lighthearted. _"I heard that guy was a junior tennis champion or something when he was little, and you almost won against him! And to think you were worried."_

_"But I lost," _he points out. She rolls her eyes and swats his arm, mumbling about his _"constant negativity" _and his _"way of ruining everything with his damn moodiness."_

The two head to his previous destination together, conversing easily as they have become accustomed to doing and he has become accustomed to loving. Their shoulders bump every now and then and, although she pays it no mind, he keenly feels every touch.

But there is still the issue of his elder brother. Whenever he stares at her face too long, he thinks of betrayal. Whenever random thoughts of her fill his head, he thinks of disloyalty. Whenever he finds himself becoming happy in her presence, he thinks of unfaithfulness.

Sometimes he wishes he had a way of ridding the gut wrenching thoughts from his mind, but he is also terrified of the idea of their disappearance. Without them, he would lose his self control, and every fiber of his being rejects the idea of double-crossing his beloved brother.

But sometimes it is _so hard,_ because he wants her so badly.

It does not help that, over her shoulder, he can see his mother pretending to be interested in the next match taking place on the court, but sneaking glances at them with a warm smile on her face. She has always hoped he would become more sociable, but he knows she is thinking mostly in the friendship category...boy, is she off.

* * *

**Hurrah! I've updated. Sorry to take so long. This chapter was really difficult to write. I hpoe I didn't make any major spelling mistakes. My computer has a virus. My Word or OpenOffice is not working, and neither is my Internet. I gruelingly typed out almost the entire chapter on Fanfiction, using FireFox (which is strangely still working), because I am so dedicated ;D  
**

**I hope I didn't offend any tennis players that are reading this story (Toushiro made a very bad comment), but I thought you should know that I actually have a lot of respect for people who play sports (even something like Ping Pong), because I am so "athletically challenged." Not to mention, because of my hatred of sports, I had to research so much about tennis just to figure out how to tell you all who won, and I still think I messed it up. Why is scoring in tennis so confusing?**

**While I'm on the subject, I hope you guys liked the small part I wrote where Toushiro was playing. I didn't want to bore you with making a whole bunch of mistakes because of my limited knowledge of tennis, so I didn't bother writing out the entire match. But I put in that small chunk just to show you how I think Toushiro probably plays sports. It seems just like him to analyze every move and make extensive plans and treat the game as some sort of great battle. And yes, his opponent was Ulquiorra. Why? I don't know. I felt like it, and he just popped into my head.  
**

**Just so you guys know, this story will probably end very soon. Maybe 3-4 more chapters, and then I'll be done with it. But, I have started another story! I know it's horrible of me to start another when I have two in progress, but I think it'll be okay since my spring break starts in 2 days (!) and I'll soon have a lot of time to update. I'll be putting up the first chapter soon, so be on the lookout!  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

* * *

She refuses to admit she is lost.

Who the hell loses their way in a school as microscopic in size as hers, anyway?

She turns a few corners, and finds herself back where she had started.

With a groan, she kicks aside her pride and admits she needs directions. This is all Jyuushiro's fault.

During her last visit, her young friend, the crazy responsible man that he is, practically begged her to _please, please pick up some very important documents from the student council room on your way here tomorrow._

And then he had had the gall to give her the most pathetic look he could muster and pull at her heartstrings by claiming that he would pick them up himself..._if only I wasn't hospitalized with this terrible condition. _And then he had coughed.

And dammit, she knows he was faking! He cannot act if his life depends on it, but she cannot refuse him. And so she had agreed, ignoring the smirk on Toushiro's face, who had been seated by the window.

She and the younger Hitugaya are getting along famously. The two are nowhere near becoming the best of friends, but they no longer compete at every chance they are given. Instead, they are civil towards one another.

Her relationship with Jyuushiro is satisfactory. Aside from the fluttering that overtakes her chest at the sight of him, the two are comfortable with one another. More comfortable than she has ever been with another man. And, he once admitted, more comfortable than _he _has ever been with another woman. That is enough for her.

"_Hey dude, where's the student council room?" _she finally plucks up the nerve to ask a passing student.

The young male, a tall student with dark hair and, strangely enough, a tattoo of a 69 on his cheek, pauses his brisk walk to offer his assistance. She wonders why the teachers allow the crass mark on his face. Surely they would have ordered it removed, or have kicked him out to maintain their image?

"_I'm heading there now, actually," _he answers, and she sighs in relief at her luck. _"Follow me."_

The two head down the hallway, her walk matching his fast steps.

To her embarrassment, they only turn the corner when they arrive at a door marked by a sign reading _Student Council._

"_Are you part of the student council?" _she asks, genuinely curious as to why such a rough looking individual would be a part of such a serious and uptight student organization.

"_Secretary," _he informs her. _"I used to be editor of the newspaper, but I decided to switch to student council. There are so many people working for the newspaper anyway, so it didn't really matter whether I left, and I'm still working with words, so it's all the same for me."_

"_I'm Hisagi, by the way," _he adds as an afterthought. _"Hisagi Shuuhei."_

"_So tell me Hisagi, who do the teachers allow you to be a part of the student council with a 69 on your face?"_

He chuckles at her incredulous expression.

"_It doesn't mean what I'm sure you're thinking it means, you know. Anyway, they used to be on my case, but decided to let me be once I joined Stuco. They've realized I'm the only one who gets all the work done when Pres isn't here."_

"_Don't the others help you?" _Was her school's student council, the top elite students with amazing grades and dependability, really just a bunch of lazy asses?

"_Well, they try, but their best intentions aren't really good when you're trying to get a job done."_

In response to her quizzical look, he grins, swings open the Stuco's door, and draws her attention by jerking his thumb at the inside. Immediately, she can see the problem. Or _hear _it, is more accurate.

Inside are two students, one a petite female with blond hair, and the other a male with a strange white headband tied around his head. They are practically in each other's faces, screaming.

"_I said I would do it, so why do you keep getting in the way_?_!" _For such a small figure, the girl can sure project her voice.

"_Oh, and let you take all the credit when President gets back? I don't think so; I'll do it!"_ He snatches a pile of papers clutched in her hand. She immediately reacts by lunging at him and grabbing them.

"_Give it back!" _both scream together. The raven-haired female watches in shock as the two proceed to have a tug-of-war with what she presumes is important Stuco documents.

"_Kiyone! Sentaro!" _Hisagi suddenly bellows. The two freeze on the spot. _"Why is it that whenever I come here, I find you two ripping off each other's throats? Do I have to tell President about this?"_

"_H-Hisagi-san," _Kiyone stutters. _"There's no need for that. We'll be good." _Her partner in crime nods his head vigorously in agreement. Hisagi can only sigh.

"_They're why we never get any work done," _he mutters to the tomboy who still looks surprised. _"They're our co-vice-presidents, and they're always competing to see who can impress Pres the most, they hero-worship him. But usually they just ruin all the work."_

It reminds her of her relationship with a certain white haired brother of her hospitalized friend, and she grins at the familiarity of the scene she has just witnessed. No wonder Jyuushiro is so good at calming the two during their spats; he is used to it, and she wonders how amusing he finds her relationship with his brother.

"_Hisagi-san," _Kiyone says, and the Kurosaki still standing in the doorway is surprised to see her gaze on her. _"Who is this?"_

It is then that the secretary realizes he does not know her himself.

"_Kurosaki Karin," _she introduces herself. _"I'm a friend of Shiro-sempai's."_

Those are apparently magic words.

The two sort-of-second-in-commands gasp dramatically. She is shocked when they suddenly throw themselves at her, bowing so low she marvels at their flexibility.

"_Welcome, Ms. Friend of President," _Sentaro cries out, the divulging of her actual name completely flying over his head. He says it so wholeheartedly though, as if he considers her an amazing hero for holding the title, that she does not have the heart to ask him to address her properly.

"_It is an honor to meet an esteemed friend of President's," _Kiyone adds, the same true for her. She begins to shake her hand vigorously, as if meeting a celebrity, and Hisagi watches in amusement as the center of attention scratches the back of her neck in embarrassment.

"_Um...thanks, I think."_

"_How may we help you, Ms. Friend of President?"_

"_Shiro-sempai sent me here to pick up some documents. He said they were really important, and needed his signature...?" _she trails off, hoping they know what she needs, because that is all the information he has given her about her task.

The two immediately brighten up.

"_Of course, Ms. Friend of President. I'll get it for you right away."_

"_No, I'll get it for her!"_

"_No way, idiot. She obviously asked me to get it."_

"_Nuh-uh, bastard. She was totally looking at me when she said it, so she asked me."_

This continues for a _very _long time, until Hisagi pulls the document from their hands and gives it to her.

"_Save yourself," _he mutters when he is close. She laughs, but takes the advice by backing out of the office.

"_Goodbye, Ms. Friend of President."_

"_Give our regards to the President, Ms. Friend of President."_

On her way out, she vaguely wonders whether they even remember her real name.

With a quick look at her watch, she makes a dash for her car, hoping to make it to the hospital early. Her visit with Jyuushiro is already shortened and, in full honesty, she comes close to breaking more than one traffic law in her haste.

"_I apologize for making you put up with those two," _are the first words that leave his lips as he takes in her haggard appearance when she arrives.

"_They weren't all that bad," _she says, grinning. _"You should be apologizing to Hisagi, not me."_

"_Oh, he was fully aware of what he was getting into when he joined Stuco."_

It is easy for the two to fall into conversation, whether it be serious discussions of his illness, or light jokes and observations about the spirited Stuco members.

They are alone for today, as the younger Hitsugaya is visiting their grandmother. She is not complaining, although she can tell her friend is slightly saddened at not being able to see his brother. It would have once made her jealous that she is not enough for him, but now she understands that the two family members share a deep bond.

He, however, sees this as a great opportunity.

There is something that stirs withing him when he sees the young tomboy walk through the doors, when he hears her laughter, when he feels the warmth of her hand as it brushes against his own.

It has always been there, and yet he has only just learned the meaning of this strange yet welcome feeling at the pit of his stomach.

He realizes he must be the first to make a move, being the more mature of the two, and the one more in touch with his own feelings. He knows what _he _wants, and now he must help her discover what she wants.

He starts slowly, carefully.

"_You know, Karin-chan. I really enjoy your company."_

It is an innocent admittance that is common between budding friends, but he is sending her a smile too warm, too genuine, too..._loving. _It almost makes her uncomfortable.

She swallows.

"_I-I really enjoy your company too," _she remarks, cursing herself inwardly for stuttering, even if the current situation is foreign enough to justify it.

"_That makes me very happy. But I think you are misunderstanding my meaning."_

Another swallow.

"_What do you mean, Shiro-sempai."_

Grinning, he slowly pulls the bed covers off of himself and steps out.

"_I mean that I would like for you to stop tacking 'sempai' at the end of my name when referring to me."_

It is absolutely foolish of her, but when he steps closer, she steps back.

"_Then what should I call you?"_

"_I think simply 'Shiro' would suffice."_

Another step forward. Another step back.

"_That would be disrespectful to my sempai."_

"_Ah, but in a relationship, both partners are equal."_

"_Relationship?"_

She has reached the wall, with no more room to step back. When he sees the look of horror on her face at this revelation, he cannot help but chuckle.

"_Karin-chan, I would appreciate it if you stop looking at me as if I am about to deflower you with force. Trust me, I do not intend to do any such a thing."_

She has the sense to look sheepish.

"_I...sorry, I didn't mean..."_

He smiles at her attempt to explain her strange behavior. There is really no need. He knows her extremely well, and so he understands her awkwardness.

"_There is no need to apologize. I understand this is very uncomfortable for you, but I beg that you please allow me to speak my mind."_

She clears her throat, attempting to collect herself.

"_Of course, Shiro-sempai." _He grimaces at her blunt refusal of his preferred reference. It deflates his confidence somewhat.

"_Thank you. Please bear with me as I start over." _She eyes him curiously as he breathes in to calm himself. _"The times we spend together are very dear to me, Karin-chan. I adore every moment we spend together, and I wholeheartedly enjoy your company, which is why I would like more."_

He steers her by her shoulders and leads her back to the bed, where the two seat themselves on the edge.

"_I desire more time, more company, more you."_

He looks her straight in the eye, before smiling at her expectant expression.

"_Kurosaki Karin, will you be my girlfriend?"_

She freezes, simply staring at him. She takes so long to _not _answer, that he grows anxious.

"_Of course I understand if you say no. Not many would want a relationship with such a sick person. Don't feel as if you are obliged to say yes."_

Perhaps it is this that suddenly jerks her back to the present reality. Shiro...just asked her to be his girlfriend!

"_I...yes!" _she cries, throwing her arms around his neck.

"_Yes?" _he asks, his voice laced with disbelief. She nods into his shoulder, happily.

Almost a year after their first meeting, the two become a couple.

It takes a long time for them to finally begin holding hands, a long time for them to kiss, a long time for them to say _I love you, _a long time for her to finally call him her boyfriend, and an even longer time for her to call him her boyfriend without stuttering or seeming embarrassed.

The younger Hitsugaya refuses to speak to her for weeks, seeing her new relationship as betrayal of their strange trust. But she is careful to keep her affections between herself and his brother private, and he appreciates this; enough to forgive her after a thorough interrogation of her "true intentions" with his brother.

It would have been amusing, if he didn't try to search her backpack for suspicious items one day, after she left the hospital room to find a restroom.

The new couple are on cloud nine, happy together as the season pass.

His condition becomes more stable as the days progress, and they experience a new type of bliss.

And so the day her world ends, it is a complete surprise.

They are having a simple conversation in the hospital room, her and the two Hitsugaya brothers, when he suddenly grabs his chest, looking extremely pained.

"_Shiro?" _she asks, terrified. _"What's wrong?"_

He cannot answer; he is too overcome with sickening coughs. Shivers rack his body. When he finally musters the strength to look up, there is blood streaming down his chin, his eyes wide. Her own eyes widen, in horror, as do the eyes of the younger Hitsugaya.

"_Oh my Kami," _she whispers, because she cannot muster the strength to talk any louder. _"Nurse!"_

With that, she rushes out the hospital room, leaving the patient coughing in his bed to be attended to by his family member.

She races down the hallway and finds a group of health care workers chatting around the corner. They need only to take one look at her petrified expression and her rapid breaths before understanding the seriousness of the situation.

She leads them down the hall to his room. When they arrive, he has stopped coughing, although his clothes and face and bed and brother are covered in blood, but he is clutching his chest and gritting his teeth in pain.

The two visitors are ushered out quickly and before long, the wheezing patient is rushed to the operating room, where a team of doctors and nurses await his arrival.

She and the equally fearful brother are led to the waiting room. Soon, the rest of the Hitsugaya family arrives in hysterics. They hand their youngest son a new pair of clothes to replace his bloodied ones, before rushing to find someone to speak to about their elder son's condition.

He does not move, even when the clothing lands in his lap. It is only through her coaxing that he finally slips into the nearest restroom to change. When he comes out, he throws his previous set of wears in a nearby trashcan, not caring that it is his favorite shirt that he has discarded.

The four wait dead silently in the waiting room, long after it empties out. The sobs of a mother can be heard echoing through the hallways, as the usually lush woman cries for her son in critical condition, but the soft comforting murmurs of a father who is missing his characteristic grin can only be heard by his crying wife, who is weeping in his lap, and whose ears he is whispering words into.

She is seated across from them, her face grave and bags growing under her eyes from the stress of the hours of waiting. Her arm is wrapped in a death grip around the arm of the white haired teen beside her, who pays no mind to the hold, and allows her to crush his limb in fear, and her head is laying on his shoulder. He himself has not moved even a finger; his body is rigid and frozen, like stone.

However, when the doctor finally steps out, looking weary, he spins his neck in his direction faster than she can comprehend. The family waits with held breaths for the good news they hope – _know – _is coming.

The first words out of the doctor's mouth are an apology.

She does not hear the shrill screams of the grieving mother, does not feel the tremors that overcome the teen next to her.

All she hears is the ringing in her ears, and all she feels is the cold gripping her body, pulling at her, as if trying to rip her in two.

Her world shatters, as does her heart.

* * *

**This is the end of the chapters that take place in the past. Now we've caught up enough to the chapters that take place in the present.**

**If anyone feels that I've rushed Jyuushiro's feelings towards Karin, no worries, because there is a reason for that.**

**A thousand thanks and hugs to CrystallineX, who put up the trick on how to update this chapter, while the site is still so messed up, on her story _Re:Hollowfication._**

**Is anyone as excited as I am for the next episode of Bleach? HitsuKarin! Though I can't help but wonder whether the creators put Toushiro and Karin together again in this filler because of the popularity gained by episode 132 from HitsuKarin fans. If they did, that would be awesome! It would be like, Success for United HitsuKarin Lovers!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

* * *

He purposely chooses a different university to attend than she does, hoping that the separation will dull his desire.

But he forgets that "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Perhaps this is why when they meet again, it ends in disaster, and it is his fault.

He still remembers her outrage when she discovered that he had chosen not to attend the same college as her, though he had been accepted, and even offered a scholarship. She had refused to speak to _the traitor _for days, but in the end, their friendship won out, and she had wished him luck.

He does not feel lucky now, though, because it has been almost half a year since he has seen her, but it is better than pining for her secretly.

His campus life keeps him busy, and he is not sorry to leave behind the high school that holds so many memories; being late and running to school with his brother, feeling proud as his brother is chosen as student council president, watching in awe as his brother plays superbly on his sports teams, learning of his brother's illness, meeting a loud-mouthed tomboy, coping with his brother's death, having his first love...

"_Oi, Hitsugaya!"_

He sighs, halting his thoughts as he hears hurried footsteps heading in his direction. A moment later, a red pineapple enters his viewpoint; more accurately, it is the ridiculous hairstyle of one of his classmates in college.

"_What do you want, Abarai?" _he asks, keeping irritation out of his voice. He knows the friendly man means well when he tries to make conversation, but he himself feels rather uncomfortable chatting so casually with someone he has just met after years of being shunned.

The red haired youth simply sends him a grin, unaware of his discomfort.

"_Lousy day in class today, huh?"_

He shrugs.

"_It was alright." _He does not mean to sound conceited; academics are just easy for him, and he does not feel the need to downgrade his intelligence just to create a friendship. However, Abarai simply laughs loudly.

"_I guess you would say that, being such a freaky genius and all."_

He frowns at the word _"freak,"_ wanting to be angry, but knowing it is his classmate's twisted way of offering a compliment.

"_Is there something you needed Abarai, or did you just stop me to say that?"_

The red head chuckles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"_Listen, a bunch of my friends and I are going to a football game tomorrow, and we have an extra ticket, so you want to come with us?"_

Over the _much _taller man's shoulder, he can see Abarai's friends shooting them nervous looks. He rolls his eyes.

"_I don't think your friends would like that."_

"_Oh, well, don't worry about them, they're just -"_

"_It's nice of you to offer, but I already have plans."_

"_...Oh. Well, maybe some other time then."_

He only offers a grim smile before walking away. Behind him, he can hear the murmurs of Abarai's friends, and his classmate's assurances that _"he's not that bad of a guy."_

Even in college he cannot escape the strange looks and opinions of his peers, but that is okay. He is used to it, and he really does have plans the next day.

It has been one year since the loss of his brother. His family gathers their courage the next morning and make their way to his grave, to mourn during the anniversary.

When they arrive, she is already waiting, simply kneeling and staring at the gravestone with a sad little smile on her face.

The Hitugayas make no sound as they gather around her, turning their attention to the same gray marker on the ground, their expressions solemn.

He does not want to be here. Being here reminds him of the thousands of memories of trying to purge himself of the guilt, and earn forgiveness from someone who can no longer give his pardon.

But she takes his hand – he resists the urge to flinch away – and tugs him down to kneel with her. She refuses to unlink their arms as she claps her hands together, bows her head in respect, and begins to pray silently, using it as a sort of emotional support. He can hardly deny her the comfort.

He watches her for a moment – she does not realize, as her eyes are closed – and his own eyes sadden as he notices that her sad smile has gone brittle at the ends.

He hears his parents shuffle slightly in the background – a quick flicker of his eyes tells him they have dropped to their knees as well. The graveyard is without a sound as the four each hold their own conversation with a lost loved one.

It is a rather suffocating experience. He knows this is not what his brother would have wanted – mourning without a single exchange of words, choosing to make this day more morbid than the rest. But he has never been one to break the silence. So he shifts his linked arm until he slips his hands into the Kurosaki beside him, and squeezes.

She understands immediately.

"_Hey, you remember when our high school had a cultural festival when me and Toush were in eleventh grade, and Shiro landed the part of Sleeping Beauty in his class' play?"_

Of course they remember; they remember every precious memory they have of their lost family member, clinging to them as proof that he indeed existed.

"_Wasn't the Prince also played by a boy, though?" _his mother remembers, a small smile creeping onto her lips.

"_They drew straws for the parts," _he explains.

"_If I remember right," _his father adds, stroking his chin in thought, the usual wide smile plastered on his face at the hilarious memory, _"the student director was so dead set on making the play a success, she kept tryin' to force 'em to really kiss."_

"_Oh, Tatsuki-nee," _the only raven head says, shaking her head and laughing with the rest of the family.

It is just like the funeral; her simple words have relaxed them all, pulling them back into happier times, lifting the tension and silence, as well as their moods. He watches her admiringly.

Soon, the dreaded occasion for which they are gathered is near forgotten, as they each launch into their own stories.

"_What about the time we all went on a picnic – sorry, my dad's an idiot, but at least Rukia-nee was good company – and it started to rain? So we all just splashed in puddles – well, Toush was being the usual ass he is and refused, but the rest of us had fun."_

"_My favorite memory was the Christmas before Shiro graduated high school," _his mother decides. _"It was so cute when he and Karin got caught under the mistletoe!"_

He scowls at the memory, surprising himself at the hostility he feels when he notices the blush on said female's face.

"_We didn't even kiss!" _she protests. _"We were just friends then."_

"_But not for long, huh? I knew all along. I have an intuition for that kind of thing."_

The group continues their banter, laughing happily at memories and honoring a kind soul with an anniversary he would have been proud of.

She is really amazing, he thinks, able to lift the spirits of a heartbroken family with such simple words. She has proven herself, time and time again, to be a trusted friend, already seeming like part of the family. He almost forgets he yearns for something more.

But a reminder is just around the corner.

They are packing up, ready to head out for the day, away from the gravestone and back to pulling themselves together every day.

His mother and father go on ahead, wanting to pay their respect to the owners of the temple before departing, and so he is left alone with his crush.

He watches as she slowly bends down, over the grave, a melancholic smile on her face. She runs her hand over the newly cleaned stone, her fingers following the path of his name carved into it.

"_So...it's been one year, huh? Feels longer."_

"_Yeah."_

"_Do you miss him?"_

It is a question that does not require an answer – she already knows of his pain, having been his comfort for a long time – but he realizes she _wants _an answer, so he replies.

"_Every day."_

She breathes out slowly, through her mouth. It makes her shoulders drop, and she seems so much smaller afterwards.

"_Me too... Do you think he's happy? In heaven, I mean?"_

This is another question he usually would not answer – he is aware that neither of them believe strongly in a happier afterlife – but he chooses to respond, anyway.

"_Yes. I'm sure he is. He's probably up there, healthy, and mad at us for remembering all of his embarrassing moments."_

She bursts out laughing, but when she quiets down, she looks up at him with a grateful smile, and he is startled to see moisture pooling at the rim of her eyes. He looks away, not wanting to see this weakness in her.

"_Thank you..." _she barely whispers.

When he looks back at her, the tears are gone, unshed, and she is standing again.

"_You're a good friend, Toush."_

She hesitates for a moment – he sees her eyes flicker quickly to the gravestone – before she slowly slips her arms around his neck.

He freezes. They have never been this close before.

She inches herself closer, clinging to him for comfort and warmth, but he does not move. His arms hand, limp and useless, at his side, as she buries her face in his chest and breathes in slowly.

For a painful moment they stand sinning at the site of his brother's burial ground. He does not imagine the deep yet quiet sigh of relief that escapes her as she lets go of him, finally. But this is what kicks him into action.

As she pulls away, his arms shoot out, snaking their way around her waist, and pulling her back into his embrace.

She struggles, having not expected the sudden action, but he is not bothered as he places his cheek on the top of her head and inhales deeply.

"_Toush, what are you -"_

She is cut off when puts his hand on the back of her neck, colliding her face with his chest, and effectively stifling her protests.

What has come over him, he wonders. Has her intoxicating presence finally driven him mad, over the edge?

He thinks so, as he takes a strand of her short hair between his fingers and feels the softness brush his skin. He wants so badly to kiss her, knowing months of dreaming can hardly compete with reality, but instead he brings her hair to his mouth, sniffing it deeply once again before caressing it with his lips – or caressing his lips with it.

"_Karin," _he whispers.

He drops the hair, being very tender as he slides it back behind her ear, and as he pulls his fingers away, he brushes them against her cheek, enjoying the soft feel of it.

"_Toush, what the hell are you doing?" _he hears her say, her voice muffled against his shirt. She is struggling again, trying to pull back her face to look at him, and send him the glare he knows is gracing her features.

He puts his hands on her shoulders and pulls her back, so that they are face-to-face, but does not lift his grasp.

"_Karin...I-I...I like you."_

When the words tumble out of his lips, he feels so..._so free._

She knows now. He _is_ free; free of the burden of keeping it a secret, free of the effort of stifling his feelings around her, free of the wonder of what could have been had he told her.

"_What...?"_

And he chuckles, actually _chuckles, _at her puzzled tone.

Getting close to her ear, he breathes into it slowly before repeating, in a mutter, _"I like you, Kurosaki Karin."_

It feels even better saying it a second time, and he is tempted to simply repeat the same phrase over and over again, just so he never loses this emotion of absolute _joy._

She wiggles furiously, attempting to break the grip on his shoulders, yet it is no use; he will not allow her to get too far, not when he finally has her so close.

"_C-come on, Toush. Stop joking around," _she practically squeaks. He feels an affection for her rush through his heart.

"_I'm not."_

This is when she stills completely, her body rigid, her hands at her side, her head hanging low, hiding her face from view. It is very abrupt, and he is not sure of how to respond to her sudden detachedness, and so he doesn't, choosing to simply copy her sudden strange attitude.

A wind rustles the leaves, a bird chirps, and they stand there for what seems like a very, very long time. Which is why he is not prepared, not expecting it, when she suddenly lashes out, clawing at his body and slapping his hands in a desperate attempt to get away.

She puts her hands on his chest, pulls away roughly, raises her hand, and...

_Smack!_

His cheek stings, but not more so than his heart as he takes in her angry glare, her lip baring back over her teeth in a scowl.

"_That's not funny," _she hisses. _"It's not funny at all."_

"_Karin, that wasn't a joke."_

He tries to keep the hurt off of his expression, but perhaps she can still tell, because suddenly her eyes widen in rage.

"_Don't!" _she cries. _"Don't you dare do this to us, Hitsugaya! We're friends, nothing more. You can't just suddenly decided you like me, you just c-can't..."_

Her anger dissipates, and her expression is bordering on hysteria.

"_And why can't I?" _he asks furiously. _"Do you think I wanted to like you, to know that I _shouldn't_ like you? You wanted to know why I chose to go to a different college, so here it is: it's because of you. It was _all_ for you; walking home with you from school every day so I could be near you, even though it takes twice as long to get to my home from the route we used to take; giving my best at tennis to impress you, even though I hate the sport; going to a different college just so I could smother my feelings, even though the one you're going to offered me a better scholarship."_

"_B-but...I still love Shiro!"_

This is perhaps the most dreadful thing she could have said to him, and she most likely realizes this, because she suddenly claps her hand over her mouth, widens her eyes in horror, turns around, and bolts away from him, towards the parking lot.

He reaches out his hand, wanting to catch her arm and pull her back, maybe apologize just so he can earn her forgiveness and be allowed near her again, but she evades him, disappearing from sight as she runs down the trail.

How could he have been idiotic enough to confess, _here _of all places, where the reminder of her love with his brother is the freshest? He prides himself on his ability to think logically in any type of situation, to analyze the moment and decide what is the best thing to say or do. But being around her, it changes him, and now it has changed them.

_'Well Toushiro'_, he thinks to himself with a sigh,_ 'you really messed up this time, you fool.'_

However, although he berates his choice, he does not regret it.

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**I wonder if any of you noticed the subtle change that Toushiro did not once refer to Karin as _"his brother's girlfriend"_ in this chapter. Kudos to you if you did! Though I doubt anyone _would_ realize a change so small and detailed, it is pretty crucial in marking their progression.**

**Sorry for taking so long to update, but a lot of crazy stuff has been happening. And since I think it's really interesting (it's been on the news!), I'll share it: my state made a cut in property taxes a few years back, and now it's caught up with us. Because of this, we are in a $50 million debt. To lower this number, the school districts have had to lay off 550 teachers. Our poor beloved teachers have been humiliated by being taken out to the hallway in the middle of their classes, told they are fired and out of jobs, and being put back into class. We've had teachers (and students) crying in hallways, unable to teach. The schools have even had subs on standby, in case someone is too upset to teach; isn't that nice of them? (please note sarcasm).**

**200 teachers have resigned on their own (including my beloved English teacher who I adore. She is such a good person for doing this to hopefully save the job of another teacher, even though she has a son who goes to a really expensive college), and 300+ have been fired. Because of this, a lot students in almost all the high schools and junior highs have been staging walk-outs, where they walk out in the middle of class and refuse to attend class in protest, because we love our teachers! We're buidling more schools in the district and waste budgets on things no one wants or uses (like an endless supply of paper), yet we choose to fire the teachers? It's so unfair!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

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My brother had always been the one I had always loved most.

We did everything together; we shared our toys, we shared a bedroom, we shared a hair color, we ate watermelon and ice-cream – and sometimes _watermelon ice-cream – _together on hot days, we had snowball fights on crisp winter days, we ran to school together every day, and we supported each other through everything.

Which is why growing up listening to my brother's wail was always very difficult. He was too young to understand that, sometimes, kids could be mean for no reason; they could throw harsh words, and pick on your weaknesses without understanding the consequences. The white hair did not help, and I had to watch helplessly as mother yelled at him furiously one day for stealing the kitchen scissors and attempting to cut off the white locks.

I resented those kids, wanted to make them pay, but, so easily catching sickness when I was young, had no way to get them back, to fully protect my chibi self in the way a big brother should, and so I resented myself, too.

It was even worse knowing that all I could do was make promises of a better future with no way to actually know if my predictions would come true. He always looked so hopeful though, that I loved seeing his face light up, and his little fists wipe away any evidence of tears.

I could never escape the guilt that maybe his strange aloofness once he grew up was my fault. The promises I had made never came true. He didn't understand that kids picked on those they liked, because they were new to, and unsure of, their feelings, and he became so detached that, soon, others left him alone altogether. He was friendless.

I did my best to fill the void. I made sure we still spent plenty of time together, walked to school together every morning, attempted to convince him to join a school club, gave up when he refused point blank, and looked out for him to the best of my abilities.

I knew my little brother adored me, worshiped me even. He came to me with everything, all his problems. Even if I had wanted to tell our parents of the horrible truths of what his life was becoming, I couldn't, not when knowing that I had his full and complete trust.

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe that was why, as he grew up, he shied away from people, showing no interest in friendship, or love, as so many of the boys his age were beginning to do. If anyone came too close, they were shunned away with a glare. He was not very inviting, even to the people who whole-heartedly wanted an invitation.

Once, in junior high, there was a girl who liked him. She thought his indifference was cool, and her crush was very obvious; when he passed by in the halls, I would see the dreamy look in her eyes; when he would look her way, I would notice that she would giggle. I convinced her to confess, thinking it would be a good thing for my brother.

Despite her shyness, she agreed. The day before Valentine's Day, she badgered me with questions about him; his favorite sweet, his favorite flavor of chocolate, whether he liked extravagant or simple wrapping. I answered all her answers carefully, knowing she was the best chance to make my brother happy.

Then next day, when chibi me and I arrived at school, there was a small package of dark chocolate awaiting him in his shoe locker, wrapped in a curled pink ribbon. His admirer was watching timidly from across the hall, hiding behind some lockers and peering around them. It was cute.

But chibi me, who had grown up to taunts of kids making fun of his love for sweets after seeing him devour a plate of amanatto when little and declaring it _old man food to match his old man hair_, only saw it as a prank.

The young junior high schooler watched with tears in her eyes as he cruelly ripped apart the wrapping, and dumped the entire present into the nearest trash bin. She ran away crying, her friends throwing my brother dirty looks before following. After that, girls quickly learned that liking Hitugaya Toushiro was a waste of time, and he was avoided.

High school was the same story. He was thought to be a pariah, and quickly alienated. I watched helplessly as my little brother shrugged it off, hiding his hurt on the inside. He didn't understand what he had done to deserve this treatment, and really, he hadn't done anything.

Because, sometimes, things just happen, whether we want them to or not, and if they don't kill us, they make us stronger. And I told myself this, as well as reminded him over and over again, when, during my seventeenth year, I coughed up my own blood at the dinner table, when I was rushed to the hospital in an emergency ambulance as fluid filled my lungs, when I was told that I had been diagnosed with tuberculosis.

It was so...unreal, somehow. Sitting in that office chair, learning that I might..._die _someday. Someday soon. I didn't really believe it. It had to be a joke, right? Any minute now, the doctor was going to drop that serious expression, wink at us, and cry _Gotcha!_...right?

My mother began wailing, my father screaming at the doctor, my brother dashing out of the room with a look of horror on his face. I wanted so badly to follow him. To run away from this.

Why me? That was the only thing that went through my head. The hell with fate. I bet this was only happening because some God, deity, Kami – _whoever _controlled fate and the universe and who was attacked with deadly diseases – thought it would be funny. Ha ha, let's all laugh at the poor, innocent teenager, who's life had now become a _hell. I wonder how he'll deal with it – how exciting!_

Why was _I _chosen to go through this? Had I not lived a good enough life? I had done my best to help my brother, to keep him happy, to please my father, to make my mother proud. I had good grades, I played on sports teams for my school, I made my high school a better place as the student council president. Was it really not enough?

I could do better, I decided. If that was the reason, I could study harder, get better grades, join more teams, win more matches, do even more good, volunteer, cook, relieve my mother of her burdens, help father more at his company, get chibi me some friends, maybe a girlfriend. If I did all that, would my disease go away? It had to; I was offering so much...right?

And I am ashamed to admit, that in that moment, I was completely and utterly selfish, my family's grief not registering in my mind as I argued with fate. And gave up against fate.

If I'm going to die...why bother with anything? Why bother doing better at school, helping mother, helping chibi me? I had already done so much, and it had not been good enough. Why bother with more? Soon enough, I would be rotting in the ground, and no one would be bothered to remember me. I was just one of the hundreds of kids in my school, one of the billions on the planet.

But then my little brother returned. The room quieted down as the doctor's office door clicked open, and we all were dead silent as he walked in, his expression so blank it was almost frightening. Though not as frightening as a deadly illness. He ignored everyone, spared them no glances, and saw only me. I sat, perfectly still, as he settled next to me on the sofa, and wrapped his arms around me.

"_We'll get through this," _he whispered.

And that's when it settled in. The final stage of my grief. Acceptance.

I wasn't the _only _one going through this, and would suffer along; my mother and father would lose a son; my brother, an older, role model sibling; my team members and student council members, a friend; and my teachers, a student. And I would lose them. No...we wouldn't.

It was like he had said. We would get through this. Together.

And during my eighteenth year, I added another person to our _together_.

It had only been a year, but my illness was getting worse.

"_I'm sorry," _I overheard the doctor say to my parents., _"but he's progressively worsening. The antibiotics didn't help, but staying in the hospital isn't either."_

"_Can't you do something?" _I heard mother snap. "_You're the doctor."_

"_I'm sorry, but I can't perform miracles."_

Not wanting to get caught, I had hurried away, and with those troubling thoughts in my mind, had walked into the wrong room – the one next to mine. Inside, I found her.

As I found out later, her age was equivalent to that of my own brother's, but those sixteen years had been kind to her. She was indefinitely the most beautiful creature I had ever had the luck to lay eyes on.

She definitely had spunk. That first day we met her, we were strangers, and yet she had still sent me a scowl, though after an awkward standoff.

"_Who the hell are you?"_

And so our friendship began.

Kurosaki Karin. My new friend, the girl who was passionate about soccer, could laugh easily, cared nothing for manners and polite protocols, and had a small hand that fit so daintily in my own as we exchanged our names and a handshake.

She was enchanting, exhilarating. So different from those I had met, so easy to speak to, too special to allow out of my life forever after only that one day. In her presence, I even forgot that right next door was my hospital bed, possibly my death bed.

I pitifully asked her when I would see her again. I needed to see her again. And when she agreed to meet with me once more, I couldn't help the smile that widened across my face. Or the one that broke out when she made me laugh by calling me a creeper, and then a textbook, the next time we met – the day she got her cast.

The talk inevitably changed to one on my disease; I had known it was coming, could tell, from her personality, that she was the curious type. I could never express the _gratitude _I felt when she didn't apologize for my sickness, didn't show me pity, or _try _to show me understanding. She knew that that was not what I needed, or wanted.

That was what convinced me that she was truly spectacular, and I wished there was some way to know her outside of this hospital, as just a regular person.

So imagine my surprise when chibi me announced, once he had shown up during visiting hours, that she was a student at our school. How could I have missed this exquisite girl, albeit two years my junior, in the hallway?

Despite my disappointment in myself, I saw an opportunity in her; a friend, finally, for my younger, tortured brother.

But, from day one, I was well aware that chibi me and Karin held no friendliness towards one another. I played ignorant to their glares, exchanged across my hospital bed, and their arguments, staged when they believed I was too far to overhear. I had hoped that it would pass, but when it became apparent it would not, I took matters into my own hand.

"_Ive always worried for my brother," _I told her one day, after finding an excuse to send chibi me out of the room, to fetch me some water to wash down my snack of ohagi; regretfully, my idea that they would bond on their way to the cafeteria to buy the dessert had not worked.

"_You see, he does not trust people easily, meaning he does not make friends easily, because...his classmates had the tendency to bully him when younger, and I've always worried. But now that he has met you, he finally has a chance for a friend, which relieves me. So, thank you."_

It worked. Sometime later, I noticed a small change in their relationship.

They collaborated to make my life happier at the times when my sickness was well enough to allow me a chance at normal activities; although my ice-cream cake on my nineteenth birthday had been a failed attempt, our trip to the amusement park had been one for the memory books, as well as our trip to the beach, our Christmas dinners together, our cheerleading at each other's spots events at school.

They were civil, no longer glaring, and able to joke with one another from time to time, though sometimes, embarrassingly, at my expense. He opened the door for her sometimes, she occasionally gave him a ride to the hospital.

Perhaps that, more than anything, convinced me of my true feelings towards her. She was...brilliant. She was able to make me feel normal, able to lift my brother's spirits after so many of my own failed tries.

Little by little, I began seeing her in a different light; a more pure, wonderful light, if that's possible.

I knew that my brother worried; he tried not to show his feelings on the matter of my attraction, but my own difficult nineteen years of experience had gifted me with wisdom – enough to understand the emotions he kept secret for my sake – yet also filled me with a desire for contentment; I wanted her, and I understood that chibi me resented that.

But he _couldn't _understand. He had never felt this way; this non-platonic desire towards someone, an ache when that person was not near, an urge to protect them from everything, despite knowing they could care for themselves perfectly fine, because you want to be their knight in shining armor.

And I certainly did feel that way about her. She was tough yet kind, serious yet not without a sense of humor. She was able to make me laugh, she was able to make me forget about my illness, she was able to make me feel _normal._

It was anguishing to have her so close to me everyday. And so I made my move.

Never had I imagined that she would say yes, become my girlfriend, and someone so precious to me that it hurt to be apart, the way it had previously hurt to be so close. I was on cloud nine, seventh heaven, _just _heaven; she loved me too!

By the time I reached my twentieth, our relationship was at its best. Long walks, peaceful talks in the hospital room, dinners in the cafeteria, and silence as we enjoyed each other's company. I couldn't believe I had been missing out on so much for so long in my life. But no matter – I was complete and happy now. Content.

So when that awful day came around, the day when I colored myself and my hospital room and my brother with my blood, the only regret I had was having only a year with her, only two with us – me and her and chibi me - together. I could have had much longer, much more happiness. Other than that, I was blissful, and at peace.

Which is why, as they rushed me to the operating room, as I pictured the smiles that had been present on my girlfriend's and my brother's face for so long and for so many days since we had all come together, just before I drifted off from the sedatives, and for the rest of my life, I wished for nothing but their future happiness.

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**Edit: I fixed my crappy ending! It's still not that great, but since I wasn't in such a rush this time, it's better than the last one. I dedicate this chapter to MeteorLeopard, who gave me the idea to write in Jyuushiro's POV all the way back in first chapter. Thank you very much! He really deserved a chance to tell his story, though I personally hate writing in first person; it restricts so many chances at different emotions of other characters.**

**Wow, this story is ending up really long. If everything had gone like I planned, this would have been the last chapter, but I still have one-two more to write, depending on how long the next one is.**

**For those of you who keep up with _all_ my stories, I've decided that I want to finish _this_ and _Melodies Unheard _before focusing on the others, so don't expect an update for my other stories until that task is done - unless I get hit with some great inspiration or something. It would just be so much less pressure to get two stories out of the way first. Please bear with me! I will be working on the others from time to time, just not updating as frequently.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

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She sits on her bed, her back against the backboard, her knees curled to her chest, and her arms wrapped around her rocking form, whimpering.

Her lights are out, her room dark except for the glow of the moon coming through the open window, the curtains framing it swaying slightly with the soft breeze. Her college roommate is still asleep in the bed across the room, oblivious of her friend's troubles and happy in her sleep. She keeps her mewls as quiet as possible, so as not to wake her.

Since her Shiro's death anniversary, this has become routine for her every night. It reminds her of the broken shell she had been soon after his actual death. But this time, it is not her weakness that is to blame, but the frailty of another.

Her flesh still remembers every inch that was touched by him, when he had broken her trust with that awful admittance of craving more than their once innocent friendship. Her mind remembers every word spoken and exchanged between them, yet her foolish emotions leave her feeling wretched, for slapping him, for rejecting him and his touch, for thoughtlessly breaking his heart.

She cannot bring herself to forget any detail of the scene, which means that the gut wrenching expression on his face will not leave her memories. It haunts her constantly. She remembers the way his entire face had scrunched up in pain, his eyes displaying nothing but turmoil and betrayal as those words had stumbled out, accidental but truthful.

'_B-but...I still love Shiro!'_

Her own face twists in regret as she remembers once again, and another pathetic whimper escapes her lips. Soon, she is rubbing her arms with her hand, as if to warm herself up – or to cleanse herself of him. The last thought sends an ache through her. Their disastrous last encounter is no reason to suddenly view him as the devil incarnate.

She knows she must answer him at some point. Leaving those words as their last encounter and avoiding him for the rest of her life is hardly a reasonable solution to the problem. But she wishes it is, because this new step in their friendship – though it is a friendship no longer – brings about a topic she has tried hard to bury for so long.

After Shiro passed away, her only outlet to her emotions had been Toushiro. The thought that he had been in just as much pain as her had been a relief, although a guilty one. Their visits to their guidance counselor had been a solace, because they had had a chance to simply forget their pain for a moment, to focus on Rukia instead, and to find someone who understood their emptiness.

After they had graduated high school, they had no longer had a guidance counselor like her to turn to. Well, they had, seeing as how she had set Rukia and her brother up on a forced blind date which led to many sparks, but neither she nor Toushiro had been willing to give up their pride to seek her out without the excuse of it being mandatory by the school staff.

And so, rather than face her feelings any longer, she had buried herself in schoolwork. She had focused too much on her lessons, refusing all invitations by her roommate to parties or any type of social gatherings, choosing instead to use her free time to seek out her professors and get extra lessons.

It had come as no surprise to her worried family members, who understood her behavior as mirroring her refusal to face her tears after the death of her mother. Though Yuzu had called many times to invite her out, and her father insisted she join him for dinner every night, she had always reused if she ever felt they would use the time to confront her.

So what she had liked most about spending time with Toushiro had been that he did not push her into discussing the one they had lost. He had been in pain too, and so he had locked everything away, like her. Being with him had been like taking a break from emotions.

That feeling no longer exists. Because now, simply thinking of him brings forth so many emotions that even three hundred piles of homework could not help her forget him.

_'Damn you, Toushiro.'_

There is really only one major problem: Shiro. There is no way she can forget him so easily, so how does Toushiro expect her to actually turn away from everything they had had together? To _cheat _on him and betray the trust they had shared, and with his younger brother, no less? There is no way she can.

Being with the younger brother would only ever be a recount of her time with the elder. She knows she will always compare them, always wonder whether this is what Shiro would have wanted, or whether he would have rather she stayed her distance from his sibling. It will be unfair to both to begin any relationship, and just so soon after the death of her Shiro.

So why does she feel that she owes Toushiro an answer? Why does she keep reminding herself that one year had already passed, that Shiro is gone and she needs to move on?

Needless to say, it is a long time before her hectic mind allows her to sleep once again, but she drifts off well after one in the morning.

When the sunrise arrives, she awakens with it, her head spinning from the loss of sleep. Her roommate is already gone for her early morning class, her bed made and her school belongings gone.

She thanks her lucky stars for this good fortune. She really does not want to pretend to be alright.

As she drags herself into the bathroom, she runs her hand through her unruly hair. As she yawns, she catches sight of herself in the full length mirror and groans. She looks awful, with her hair looking like a bird's next and the bags under her eyes making her look like a raccoon. Was this the face Shiro had fallen in love with?

Definitely not. This is the face Toushiro had spurned.

_'Damn you, Toushiro,_' she thinks for a second time that morning as she steps into the shower.

After she has fixed herself to look like a human being rather than an animal that roots through trash, she shuffles into the kitchen. Her roommate is nice enough to have left her some breakfast. A little sticky shaped like red lips is hanging on the plastic wrapped plate.

_~ Enjoy, Karin-chan! ~_

She scrunches her nose in distaste at her roommate's choice in stationary, but seats herself at the table and scarfs down the food, anyway. It is dead silent in the dorm, most students in the area having left for early morning classes like her roommate, and others still sleeping in. In all honestly, it is rather lonely.

"_How unexpected," _she says aloud to herself, chuckling grimly. _"An actual peaceful and quiet room with a Kurosaki in it."_

But the observation is actually grave. She knows this is what she is now. A dead and empty shell. She has been silent and unresponsive for months already, and it has only gotten worse since the graveyard visit.

_The graveyard visit_. As the memory suddenly replays in her mind again at the reminder, she feels herself lose any hope for an appetite. Shoving the plate away, she leans back in her chair. Placing her hands over her eyes and sighing deeply.

She knows she cannot put it off forever, but what can she say to him now? There does not seem to be any word out there that will fix the words she had thrown at him after his confession. And she really does not want to try.

_'So, what now, Karin?' _she asks herself. That's another thing she has taken to doing lately – speaking with herself rather than attempting any sort of conversation or company.

Is that the problem, then? She is too closed off now? Perhaps it is the loneliness that is driving her into being this way. When she had been with Shiro – and Toushiro too, she begrudgingly admits – there had been no loneliness, because there had never been dullness. She had been her regular, exuberant self in those days. She doesn't like that she is changing. She refuses to admit that she already _has _changed.

With a groan, she hoists herself up, heading towards her closet to dress herself. For what, she does not know. It's not as if suddenly realizing this occurring change in her has caused some sort of great epiphany. In fact, she feels rather indifferent to it, as if she had realized it long ago – perhaps after her mother died – but had buried herself in work to avoid facing it.

Soon after her boyfriend's death, her clothing choice changed. Unconsciously, she always dresses some way in something black and white – the color of mourning, and the color of his hair, respectively. Today, she slips on black jeans, and ties her hair with a white hair tie. And like always, she does not even think about it as she does so, though this time it is because her mind is only on one thing.

All she knows right now is she does not want to be alone, unlike earlier this morning. It does not seem appealing in the least. But she's also unsure of who to turn to. Her sister and father are out of the question, seeing as how she has been avoiding them for fear of confrontation. And her usual choice, Toushiro, is only worse.

The idea of turning to her roommate is laughable. The two get along well, but the girl is fickle with her relationships, and so her advice will only mirror that.

Who else is there? It saddens her to think that there is no one she can turn to now, in her time of need. A year ago, Shiro would have been the first person to pop into her mind. Yuzu, probably second. Third would have been Toushiro, and her father _dead last._

But fourth...

The idea comes to her in a rush, and suddenly, she is flying across her room, throwing on clothes in a frenzy. How could she not have thought of this before? The apartment is only a few blocks away, yet she has not visited in such a long time that she had forgotten about it.

A pang hits her at that realization. How awful of her. In her own selfishness and grief, she has been turning away people she has loved and been supported by for so long.

_'I'll fix that today.' _She is determined.

But when she stands at the front door, her hand poised to knock, she hesitates, unsure of how to proceed with this unexpected, spur of the moment visit. She is sure she will not be turned away, but...

_'It's so early in the morning,' _she says to herself, making an excuse to avoid knocking. _'Everyone's asleep. Dumb mistake, Karin.'_

She is about to happily walk away when a muffled voice comes from the inside.

"_If you want the newspaper so freaking badly, why can't _you _just get it?"_

The door swings open, and a disgruntled person reaches down to grab the periodical lying on the patio. When he straightens, she is staring at him, unsure of what to say.

"_Karin?" _In any other situation, she would have found her brother's shocked face comical, and so she forces a laugh in an attempt to sound nonchalant.

"_Well, seeing as how me and Yuzu are _fraternal _twins, who else could it be, Ichi-nii?" _she teases, half-heartedly.

It takes Ichigo only a few moments to compose himself before he smirks. She envies his ability to appear collected so easily when it is taking every ounce of her willpower to keep up a sarcastic front.

"_Come on in," _he offers happily, and moves aside to allow her entry.

"_Wow, it's really clean in here," _she notes, taking in the organized rooms and sparkling furniture. She turns to her brother with a smirk on her face – it is a little easier when she is so close to his protective warmth. _"You sure you're a guy?"_

He rolls his eyes at her.

"_Not my work. Rukia gets the credit for it."_

"_Someone say my name? Oh, hey, Karin."_

"_Rukia-nee," _she greets her with a nod. Inside, though, she feels disappointed at this unexpected addition to her plan. She had wanted a day with her older brother.

"_You come for a visit?"_

"_Yeah." _Rukia eyes her carefully with narrowed eyes, taking in her forced smile.

"_...Do you want me to leave?"_

"_N-no. It's fine." _She is definitely an excellent guidance counselor, able to pick up on emotions so easily.

"_Why would you have to leave if she's here?" _her brother asks, confused and as dense as always. Rukia rolls her eyes.

"_No reason. Now go make us some coffee."_

He scowls, but stocks over to the kitchen. Karin raises her eyebrows at the display, and Rukia cannot help but laugh.

"_Yes, I have him whipped," _she answers the unasked question. _"Let's go sit in the living room. No use standing around here all morning" _And so the two seat themselves across from each other at the coffee table, listening to the sounds of the orange top rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen.

"_Really, Karin," _Rukia tries again. _"If you really want to talk to him alone, I don't mind leaving." _The young college student takes a deep breath and smiles a little more genuinely.

"_It's fine, Rukia-nee. It's nothing big – I was just a little lonely and I haven't visited in a while."_

Her brother's girlfriend purses her lips, but nods and, thankfully, drops the subject.

"_So...how are things with you, Karin?"_

"_Fine."_

"_That's good..."_

"_Yeah..."_

"_Anything ne -"_

"_Toushiro told me he likes me!" _Karin immediately claps a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide in shock at her sudden outburst – she had _not _planned on saying anything of the sort. Rukia looks at her in surprise.

"Hitsugaya_ Toushiro?" _Wordlessly, the Kurosaki nods, her hand still over her mouth.

"_And I take it this is a bad thing?"_

"_Of course it's bad!"_

"_Because you don't feel the same way," _she states rather than asks, and she sees the hesitation.

"_Yes," _Karin says firmly, a little too late. She ventures another guess.

"_Or is it because of your old boyfriend?" _There is no answer this time. She sighs, eyeing Karin's terrified features.

"_You know, when I first started dating your brother, I felt the same way."_

Karin purses her lips, understanding that Rukia is again using her usual tactic to guide her by telling her own story.

"_You were worried that you were cheating on his non-existent older brother?" _she asks, incredulously. Rukia rolls her eyes.

"_No. But I did worry that I was betraying Kaien. I kept wondering whether two years was a long enough time to mourn, and whether I was allowed to move on just yet. And along came your brother, though you came first. Despite our chemistry, I couldn't help but wonder if I was replacing Kaien, using your brother as an outlet to my feelings or a way to remember and bring back my former fiancé."_

"_Of course I _wasn't_," _she adds hastily, catching the dark look on the sister of her boyfriend, _"but the doubt stayed for a long time. I knew I was being unfair to myself and to him. And to Kaien's family, who I had promised that I would love him forever."_

"_And yet you managed to move on," _Karin notes. Rukia smiles warmly.

"_Yes. It took a long time, but I realized that the two were completely different from each other, and perhaps that was what helped keep me sane, helped me realize that it was okay to be with Ichigo. They aren't the same person, no matter how much they look alike."_

And it feels like she is suddenly directly addressing Karin's problem, which causes the confused woman to shift uncomfortably in her seat.

The truth is, she knows that the two are different. Their similarities end with their shared hair color and likeness in name. While Shiro had been gentler, kinder, and more innocent and childish, Toushiro is closed off, quiet, and awkward with his feelings. A little more like her.

Which is why it is such an amazing accomplishment for him to have admitted his feelings.

She groans quietly, running a hand through her hair and gritting her teeth in frustration. She remembers the arguments she had shared with herself just this morning, the uncertainty and the gut wrenching guilt, and then she pictures the happiness that her brother and his new girlfriend share together, all these years after the death of her old lover.

So now she knows that a happy ending _is _possible, that moving on _is _acceptable, no matter how long it may take, and that there is someone out there who is more miserable than she is, and it is all her fault.

She knows what she has to do.

"_I'll see you around, Rukia-nee!"_

"_Karin, where are you going_?_!" _she hears Rukia call after her as she suddenly springs form the sofa. But she does not explain herself as she races out of the room, a door slam remaining the only answer to the question.

"_What's wrong with Karin?" _Ichigo asks as he hurriedly enters the room at the sound of the slam, worry etched onto his face. Rukia shrugs, mirroring his expression, though she knows the exact answer.

"_I don't know, but she looked like she was in a big rush."_

And she is.

She races down the street, her mind only vaguely reminding her to take a left, then a right, then another right. Soon, she arrives at the bustling city center, where honking cars and drivers screaming profanities surround her.

She does not even stop running as she sticks two fingers in her mouth and lets out an ear-splitting whistle meant to be used only on soccer fields.

She ignores the pedestrians who stare at her or send dirty looks, preoccupied only with the many cabs that respond to her whistle by parking next to the sidewalk, and then jumps into the nearest one.

She sticks her hand into her coat pocket, pulls out a wallet, and begins to roughly rummage through the contents, the bills all looking the same to her. After an irritated search, she finally pulls out some cash, and practically throws it at the cab driver.

"_Shibuya District," _she orders. _"Please make it quick."_

The driver grumbles at her, though she pays no mind to his words. As the cab pulls onto the road, she leans back in her chair, and stares out the window, deep in thought. Her thumb is in her mouth, her teeth biting down on the nail, and her brow is creased in thought.

Now that she is finally seated and on her way, she has time to think some more. And she wishes she doesn't. As she watches buildings and people blur by the cab window, uncertainty fills her mind.

Is this the right thing to do? She suddenly feels like she is moving so fast with this decision. When she had left Ichi-nii's house, she had felt that she had sorted out her feelings. But now she is unsure of exactly _what _she wants to say. What _can _she say? She should have thought of this before blindly rushing from the house.

She has stomped on his heart, without even considering his side of the argument. She regrets it now, of course, but she is unsure of how to tell him this. She has never been good with talking of her feelings, and adding _his _feelings to the conversation will only make this more uncomfortable for her. It is only a small relief to know that he will be just as awkward as her.

"_Hey, girlie. You gonna get out or what? I got other customers to get to, ya know."_

Her time to think has run out. She slips out of her seat, mumbling a _"thanks," _and wanders through the district, still lost in thought but aware of her destination.

It is only when she arrives at a large building with a sign that says _Tokai University _set up outside that she realizes a major problem.

_'No girls allowed in the boys' dorm,' _she remembers, slapping her forehead with her palm. How could she have forgotten? This rule has caused the two of them much annoyance in the past, as they have always needed to plan their meeting locations carefully, so as not to break any rules. She sighs, her shoulders heaving and then dropping low. _'Only one thing to do now.'_

And so she sneaks in...and gets caught in the next two minutes.

"_Hey, it's a girl!"_

"_What's a woman doing here?"_

"_Should we tell someone?"_

"_A female! The campus' rulebook strictly prohibits the presence of a female within the boys' dormitories -"_

"_What the hell are you telling _us _for, Szayel? _We _know that already. If you're that against it, go tell _her!_"_

"_Right."_

But she does not stick around long enough for this _Szayel_ character to catch her, simply booking it down the hallway, dodging shocked college boys.

"_Someone catch her!"_

"_What's the big deal?"_

"_The big deal is that rules are rules!"_

"_Rules are meant to be broken!"_

This is met with cheers of agreement and cries of indignation. All around her are supporters and opponents of her infiltration, and they are all so busy arguing with one another that they let her slip by.

She finally arrives outside a wooden door marked with gold colored numbers hanging on it, reading _10._ She begins knocking profusely.

"_Toushiro, open up. Hey, open the damn door!"_

"_What_?_!"_

Immediately following his crabby and sleepy voice, his door is wrenched open from the inside.

"_Who's the – Karin?"_

"_Let me in?" _she asks, fighting a grin at his shocked and vulnerable face. He simply stands there until they hear voices getting closer to their hallway. She becomes urgent. _"Come on, Toush. If they find me, I'll get kicked out."_

He wordlessly moves aside, allowing her entry, and then closes the door behind her quietly.

"_Hey, where'd she go?"_

"_Maybe she's in Hitsugaya's room? He's the only one down this hall."_

"_No way, idiot. What girl would visit him? She _has _to have gone down to the next hallway."_

She sighs in relief as the voices and shuffling get quieter once they move away.

"_That was close. We're lucky you're such an antisocial prick."_

He scowls at her, his arms folded across his chest and his body leaning against the closed door as she seats herself on one of his couches. She grins at the familiar face as she looks around.

"_Nice place you got here."_

"_Thank you," _he answers politely, but his eyes are calculating.

_'Probably wondering what the hell I'm doing there,' _she admits, begrudgingly. _'He always did like getting straight to the point.'_

"_So..." _she begins, awkwardly. He cocks his head to the side.

"_So?"_

She sighs, realizing there is no beating around the bush in this situation.

"_Would you mind if we...talk for a bit?"_

* * *

**Yay, I'm finally back! This one shows Karin's feelings after Shiro's death (it's the longest one so far - 4,000 words), and the next one will be the last chapter. It's kind of exciting - I'm finally going to complete the very first story I ever posted on this site! I've already started the next chapter, though I only have the ending written out (I think I've got things _bacwards, _huh?).**

**Before I end this chapter, I wanted to make sure there is no confusion on character profiles. From the very beginning, I've had an Important Info section on my profile for this story, which I am going to delete after this story is completed. I've tried to subtly incorporate these facts into the chapters, since it would ruin the flow to outrightly say, _"She is 16 years old at this time," _but in case some of you are still unclear and don't want to go to my profile, here's what it says:**

**.. ღ .. **Toushiro, Jyuushiro, and Karin attend the same school - Karakura High School. Karin and Toushiro are in the same grade, but not the same class, while Jyuushiro is their senior by two years.

**.. ღ .. **Toushiro and Karin are both 16 during the chapters written at the time Jyuushiro is still alive; Jyuushiro is going on 18 at this time.

**.. ღ .. **Toushiro and Karin are both going on 18+ during the chapters written in the time period after Jyuushiro's death, and are about to graduate high school; Jyuushiro is 20 at the time of his death.

**.. ღ .. **Karin and Jyuushiro know each other for two years; they are just friends for one year, and then date each other for one year before his death.

**Hope that clears up everything!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hopefully, if I wrote this correctly, this chapter has no specific POV, instead explaining both of their feelings at different times. And then, near the end, just both of them together.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.**

* * *

She looks at him with shame on her face as his eyes narrow at her request.

"_You want to talk?" _he asks, incredulous. She reluctantly meets his eyes.

"_Yeah. I...decided I, uh, made you wait long enough."_

"_How...thoughtful of you," _he says bitterly, and has trouble keeping the hint of a sneer from his voice. She cringes as she hears it, but continues bravely.

"_Do you want to sit?" _she asks, patting the spot next to hers on his couch invitingly.

"_It's my dorm. If I wanted to sit, I would."_

A grimace impairs her face as she eyes his unchanging rigid posture, and she stops her patting, placing her hands in her lap a little uselessly. After a stretch of silence, she finally sighs, her shoulders dropping from the action.

"_Fine, then. I wanted to talk to you about what you said at the graveyard. About how you..."_

"_How I like you?" _His voice rings clearly in the otherwise soundless room, and he notices the way she jumps, wondering whether it's because of the sound, or the words. She nods with effort.

"_Yeah. Did you...did you mean it?"_

It is a useless question, just like the ones she had asked back at the grave site. Except this time, he does not bother answering it, and she does not bother asking again. Both know full well that he is not the type to kid about things, especially things as serious as _this_ conversation.

"_Stop stalling, Karin," _he says, a little more roughly than he had intended. She does not look up, staring determinedly at her hands in her lap, her eyes narrowed.

_'Damn it,' _she thinks. _'And after I came so ready to confront him.'_

He sees her curl her hands into fists in her lap, her shoulders hunching as her face puckers. It looks like she is scolding herself in her head. And after all that has happened, after all the grief and doubt and self loathing she has caused him from running away, he still wants to reach out and hold her, to comfort her and tell her that she need not answer as long as that is what makes her happy, as long as she not make that face of total despair in his presence...or _ever_.

He tightens the cross of his arms, digging his fingernails into his biceps in an attempt to prevent himself from doing just that.

_'No!' _he commands himself. _'I'm sorry, Karin, but I've already made my move. Now, it's your turn.'_

And so he waits for her to pull herself together. After a few deep breaths, she finally looks up.

"_Okay, so you meant it," _she finally continues, and her voice is impressively more even than he had expected. _"I knew that. But...I still don't know if I can accept it."_

She eyes him expectantly, but he does not say anything, nor does his facial expression change. It unnerves her, because she does not want to be the only one contributing to this talk, mostly because she is not good with her feelings. But she knows that he has already said all that he needs to, and that it is her turn to deal with her feelings and his confession. Gulping slightly, she continues, looking at him but not really seeing him – it helps.

"_Ever since Shiro died, I haven't so much as looked at other men. I realize some people might find it weird since it's been a year, but we were so close and...Well, I just haven't really thought about dating in a while. He was my first, and it hurt _so much _when – I knew from the beginning that he would die. I mean, he was always in the hospital, but I guess I never really thought about what would happen if he did. And I thought that you and I were on the same page..."_

He watches sympathetically as she seems to stumbles over words, having troubles finding the right one. She looks nervous and slightly irritated as her lips fumble and she changes her mind constantly about what to discuss. She really is a mess right now, so different from before. The Kurosaki Karin he had known might have been bad at revealing her emotions, but she also didn't mince words. This one cannot do either.

"_I thought we were friends," _she attempts to continue. _"I mean, you never even gave any signs that – how was I supposed to know – I really didn't expect your...confession. To me, it came out of nowhere, and maybe that's why I ran away that day. I really _am _sorry, but I've been thinking about it every day. I talked to Rukia-nee this morning, and I thought I had things figured out when I came here. But, maybe..."_

She trails off, looking at him hopefully. He still does not say anything and she almost groans at his lack of responses. She really is on her own. Well, she has her explanation out of the way, so she thinks that maybe she can get through this.

"_Okay, I was thinking about how things might be if we dated, and really...I don't think it would be a bad thing. But, there's still Shiro to think about. Kami, I wish you two weren't bothers – it would make this easier. It's just that, I can't let go of him just yet. At least, I don't think so. I've been trying to, you know I have, but I just can't. It always feels like if I look at or think of another man like the way I used to look at or think about him..."_

She looks at him almost pleadingly.

"_Please, Toushiro," _she moans quietly, staring at him intently and wanting him to follow her train of thought. _"You have to understand. How can I forget Shiro so easily? He was only _just _here, and you...you want me to just forget him? To leave him for another man?"_

Her voice gets shriller and higher with each word, almost bordering on hysteria as she thinks about the implications of her words. He can't expect that of her. He can't!

"_Don't you see? I _loved _him. I could never be with another man without feeling disgusted with myself, without somehow feeling like I'm...like I'm _cheating _on him."_

Her face twists in silent horror at this last statement, and she closes her eyes in despair, willing herself to calm her emotions.

"_Karin," _he finally speaks, and his voice is so firm that she snaps her eyes open to look at him. However, she recoils at the glare on his face. _"Stop kidding yourself," _he hisses. "_You have to accept the fact that Shiro-nii is _dead._"_

She swallows loudly at his words, staring at him transfixed with her mouth slightly parted. Seeing the reaction she is having, he forces himself to stay collected, to be the calm one in the situation for her, to keep the nausea down he is feeling from the harsh admittance he has just made.

"_What was all that counseling for?" _he continues when he is sure he has a strong grip on his voice and can keep it even. _"Every day, do you remember? You were in Kuchiki's office for an hour every day. Was that all a waste? It's been over a year, and he's gone – he's not coming back miraculously, so move on."_

That is all he thinks he can say without his voice wavering, so he stops, breathing deeply through his nose and watching her carefully. He watches as the look of horror on her face twists, changing to defiance, to determination, and when she finally glowers at him, there is a furious fire blazing in her eyes, a fire he has not seen for a long time.

"_Don't be such a hypocrite, Toushiro," _she spits out harshly. _"You're so full of shit! I wasn't the only one in that counselor's office. You were pining away for Shiro, too. And don't even pretend that you're still not moping! Why should you expect me to move on when you clearly haven't either_?_!"_

The air rings with her accusal, a tension left hanging in the room. She is still scowling at him, still staring at him with that opposing gaze, as if daring him to rebuke her charges.

His answering approach takes her aback. He finally uncrosses his arms, letting them hang at his sides as he pushes away from the doorway, sighing. She watches defensively as he strides across the room, leaning away as he seats himself beside her on the couch, though he makes no move to come closer or touch her. There is no anger in his expression, only a cool look of resignation, as he turns to face her.

"_Have to spell out everything for this woman," _she hears him mutter, and is about to retort when he beats her to the punch. _"Don't you see, Karin? I've been battling with my feelings for you for a year now. Me confessing to you, finally not feeling guilty about myself, only means that I _have _moved on, have accepted that he's not...coming back."_

She stares at him with a gaping mouth, and when she finally speaks, it seems only one thing really registered in her mind.

"_A year?" _she squeaks out. He rolls his eyes – she _would _be the kind of girl to let the emotional words fly straight over her head. But she is watching him so intently that even he can't help but blush slightly, though he nods firmly.

"_Yes, a year. Don't you think that after that long, finally telling you means I'm coping?"_

"_W-well, I, uh, suppose..." _He sees the brief panic flash through her expression when she realizes one of her defenses has just crumbled. Though he knows he shouldn't be pleased, he cannot help but feel satisfied with himself – this surely means that she is one step closer to acceptance, and maybe even one step closer to him.

"_Anything else?" _he asks, and he is almost teasing now that the conversation has turned just the slightest bit in his favor.

She notices the tone, but decides not to call him out on it, instead focusing on desperately remembering her other many reasons for wanting to deny his feelings towards her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she feels relief at the knowledge that he is moving on, however slightly. After all, he has been just as torn up about Shiro's death as her, and surely if he can move on, she can too, and stop feeling all this pain at the mere thought of him. But for now, she pushes the idea away, too focused on the dilemma present beside her on the couch, smirking.

"_I-I don't think I could ever be with you without comparing you to Shiro," _she grapples with her new argument. _"A relationship wouldn't do either us a favor, Hitsugaya. I would only ever feel like I was trying to replace Shiro with you, and I could never be with you thinking that. You two are too alike."_

He is no longer smirking, but he does look to be in disbelief. He only gazes at her in incredulity at the question, shaking his head.

"_Look at me, Karin," _he demands, and when she refuses to turn her head, he grabs her chin, and forcefully turns her head for her. _"Look at me _properly_ – maybe for the first time – and tell me again that we're the same."_

And with the truth right there in front of her, she can hardly deny it. Her eyes rove over his face slowly, taking in each feature, and she observes features that are distinctly _Toushiro, _small differences from Shiro. The lack of laugh lines pops out at her, once again reminding her of the hardships he has been through because of so many others rejecting him, which she knows are the reason for her next observations – deeply set eyebrows that seem to be permanently fixed in a downward position, and a straight mouth that gives one the impression that the corners have never lifted into a smile.

This is truly a man that has been deprived of tender love throughout his life, except from the one person who is now gone. The rest of his family might have once been another solace, but she knows by now that he keeps many secrets from his parents, not wanting to badger them with his own problems, or out of fear of them seeing him as the inferior son. When one truly looks at him closely, as she has done, there is no doubt that he needs someone in his life to show him the care and affection he has lacked but deserves.

But she can hardly think of _herself _as that person. She keeps her own emotions bottled up whenever possible, so how could she be able to express passionate feelings for him? And with her mind and heart so frenzied right now, she is not even close to being up to the challenge.

_'Ah, but Toushiro doesn't expect that of you,' _a nasty little voice in her head betrays her. _'Not now, at least.'_

And she knows this, too. He has never once told her that he expects her to change for him, to be someone she's not in order to act like a "properly" affectionate girlfriend. Besides expressing his infatuation, he has never glorified their feelings or characters, nor has he expressed a desire to be showered with tender emotions. He just wants _her, _as she is, as she always has been_. _But is she really enough?

She jerks away her chin from his hold, pulling him away from his amused gaze on her face, which had been making so many interesting expressions.

"_Say...that we _do _go out," _she begins, and he pulls back in surprise. Whatever she had been thinking, he had not thought anything similar to this had been in her head. _"What exactly does that mean? I mean, what do you expect from me?"_

To her surprise, he chuckles.

"_I'm not _expecting_ anything," _he replies. _"I just want you to be yourself."_

"_But what if I'm not good enough?" _He hears the fear hidden beneath her questioning tone, and realizes this is her real concern. She has already lost a love once, and he has seen the pain and turmoil it has caused her over the months. She is afraid of getting close to another, and losing them too. He understands. He himself had felt that way towards her for a short time, afraid of losing her because of the way he is, so detached and unemotional. But it had been fear that had partly prompted him to confess – fear that he might lose her to another someday, should she move on suddenly and leave him behind.

Well, since he has already made it through this hurdle, he sees it as his job to help her through hers. So, he grits his teeth, biting back his embarrassment to say words that will make her feel better.

"_You are enough. If I've told you that you're who I want, then there shouldn't be any question of that."_

Even she cannot help but flush at his intensely burning eyes and his sentimental words, no matter how short his answer. She looks away, mumbling incoherent words, though he manages to catch _"corny."_

Scratching the back of his head, he coughs into the side of a fist awkwardly. There goes another argument down the drain.

"_Is there anything else?" _She instantly sobers up and looks over at him seriously, biting her lip in the process.

"_...What will people think when they hear about this..us?" _Her heart falls slightly as she notices his eyes gaze at her with disappointment, and a little bit of disapproval.

"_That's weak," _he says, and has the gall to actually shake his head. _"I think we both know that you're just grasping at straws here, Karin. I've broken through all of your excuses, haven't I? You're just desperately looking for an escape route now, because you're scared of returning my feelings." _When she doesn't answer, he just sighs, knowing she actually wants an answer to her ridiculous question. _"Fine, be stubborn. But I'm not the kind to care about what others think of me. And this argument is weak because we both know that you're not the kind, either."_

She nods in defeat, accepting his answer because he has only just repeated what the two of them have known this entire time. Though this has only just been put into words, she has known it too, and has tried to avoid it, which is why the revelation is not shocking at all: she is scared.

It's the truth. She's scared of what Shiro would think of her, was he here now, for switching partners so easily, to his younger brother no less. She's terrified of doing anything that would have ever gained his disapproval, ever hurt his feelings, ever _changed _his tender feelings for her. And the last one is the hardest to think of because, really, she will always love him, no matter how many more men come her way in the future.

But she knows that she needn't worry with Toushiro. He loves Shiro as much as she does, and actually _admires _her dedication to him. It is absolutely absurd to think that a male such as him exists, one willing to stand aside for so long while the woman he likes pines away for another. And yet, here he is, living proof.

"_You know that I can never forget him," _she states flatly, watching him carefully for his reaction. It is not a calculating or opposing gaze – she really just wants to hear what he has to say in reply. _"Not completely. Can you live with that?"_

And he gives her the most wonderful and _correct _answer he could have.

"_I wouldn't expect you to," _he assures her. _"And really, I wouldn't _want _you to. I want the memory of my brother to live on in as many people as possible, rather than for him to be forgotten in even a year from now."_

"_You really wouldn't mind?" _She eyes him shrewdly, disbelieving.

"_Not if it gives me a chance."_

"_That's" – _she sighs heavily_ "– _noble _of you."_

He grimaces.

"_Um, thanks. Does this help with any of your worries?"_

She clears her throat.

"_Actually, yes." _She looks over at him, smiling gratefully, though it turns brittle at the ends after a moment. She runs her fingers through her hair nervously _"I can't...give you an answer right now, Toush. I'm sorry, but I still need to think over everything, and decide carefully whether -"_

"_That's alright," _he assures her, hurriedly. _"Take your time."_

Another grateful smile graces her features, and she places a hand over his, squeezing it tightly.

"_Thank you."_

The two stand at the same time, stretching a little awkwardly after their serious exchange of words. As she yanks at the sleeves of her shirt to smooth out imaginary wrinkles in order to keep busy, he strides over to the door, pressing his ear against it.

"_I don't think there's anyone there," _he says hesitantly, his eyebrows creasing with concentration. _"They're probably still looking for you in the wrong place."_

She smirks as she saunters over to him.

"_Don't worry. I'll be stealthy. They won't even know I'm here."_

"_Right. Because that worked _so well _the first time," _he cannot help but say with sarcasm. She punches his shoulder before opening the door a smidgen and peering out cautiously.

"_Hmm. The coast is clear. Perfect."_

He rolls his eyes and gives her a little push.

"_Just go already."_

A small laugh escaped her lips, and she nods, yanking the door open wider and stepping out. She looks left and right before sighing with relief at the deserted hallways. Just before leaving, however, she turns to him one more time, last minute uncertainty on her face once again.

"_Are you sure about this, Toush?" _she asks, biting her lip and looking down, her hands clasped behind her back and her toe scuffing the ground. _"I don't know how long this will take for me. I have so much shit to work out, so it's hardly fair that you have to -"_

"_I can wait," _he assures her, although a little firmly. _"I _will _wait._"

And he does. It takes a long time; days pass by, then weeks, then months, and still he waits for her, determined to show her his commitment. There is no question of him even sparing a glance at any other girl, ever straying his loyal eyes from her, ever thinking so faithfully of anyone but her.

She slowly goes back to her old self, her energy returning, her liveliness once again spreading cheer around the room. It takes a long time too, and many times, she finds that she is burying herself in schoolwork once again, although subconsciously, as this is her fall back setting when it comes to emotions.

He is around to remind her not to overwork herself, as she has been doing for so long, and she gladly takes his advice. Instead, he swallows his pride and tags along on whatever adventure she wants to have with him. He watches from afar, giving her space, but always observing with his arms folded and his back leaning against a wall.

The first breakthrough is when she drags him to the first soccer game she has been to in a long time, having been lucky enough to come upon two tickets – which she makes _him _pay for, despite it being her idea. As he moodily sulks in his aisle seat about the noise and stench, she goes crazy in her seat beside his, screaming profanities at the opposing team and chomping down on stadium food.

The second breakthrough is when she sneaks into his dorm room once again. This time, she is smart and, instead of racing through the halls, she clambers in through a window – scaring the bejeebers out of him, he might add, when she playfully grabs his shoulders and cries, _"Boo!"_

After she gets past the laugh attack (on anyone else, the snorting would have been considered unattractive in his eyes, but on her it is decidedly..._cute_), she makes herself at home on his couch, kicking off her shoes and setting her feet on the coffee table.

"_Let's play a video game," _she suggests.

"_I don't play those."_

"Ever_?" _she asks, incredulously, and seems even more surprised when he shakes his head. _"Wow, you really _did _have a horrible childhood, didn't you? Well, good thing I thought ahead."_

And she smirks as she reaches for the backpack she had discarded by the windowsill soon after climbing in, and pulls out game after game.

"_I don't have a game console, eith -"_

His reminder is cut off when she begins pulling out one from her bulging backpack, the smirk more pronounced. Seeing no reason to decline now, he sighs as he seats himself next to her on the couch.

Well, he's not sighing half an hour later, when the two are engrossed in their game, having a _blast._

"_Come on, come on," _his crush chants as she edges her character farther into a large, creepy building. _"Augh, there it is! Die, zombie, die!"_

He snorts as her character is mauled by undead creatures, and she loses a life despite her previously stated superiority over him in gaming.

"_Noooo..." _she groans.

"_Don't worry," _he reassures her, going as far as to pat her back. _"_I'll _avenge you."_

And instead of being _grateful _for his _generous _offer of assistance, she sends him a glare.

"_Screw you, Toush! I'm hungry."_

"_What do those two statements have _anything _to do with each other?" _he asks her, amused.

"_Nothing. I was just letting you know that I'm hungry. Come on, let's go get something to eat – my treat."_

And he can hardly deny a chance to be treated by her for a change. The two toss aside their controllers and head for the window.

"_Shh," _she says as they jump over the sill, placing a finger over her lips. _"We have to be quiet."_

"_I know," _he whispers, rolling his eyes. _"_I'm _the one who lives here, remember?"_

She punches his arm before grabbing his hand and pulling him along with her. He stares at her in surprise, but when he notices that her own expression has not changed, he deduces that she sees nothing strange in the action, or may have done so subconsciously.

_'This is a good thing.' _Even more surprising is that he feels no guilt as he squeezes back. It feels...right. _'Shiro-nii would understand, right? He always wanted the best for me.'_

But he is pulled out of his self-reassurance from a loud cry.

"_Crap, we've been spotted!" _Karin cries, pointing to a group of students staring over at them. Their stomachs twist as they catch sight of familiar pink hair. _"Let's go!"_

And the two race, hand in hand, through the campus, as Szayel runs after them, a determined look on his face and threats of expulsion on his lips.

"_Kami, Toush," _she pants as they finally reach the front entrance and book it down the street. They reach a row of shops, and stop on an alleyway to catch their breath, relinquishing the hold on each other's hands to place them on their knees instead, and bend over. _"This is all you fault for choosing such a shit-ass university to go to. For all this trouble, _you're _paying."_

He had seen this coming; it is so like her to not even think of apologizing for causing him so much trouble from the school, but instead find some way to pin the pay onto him. And of course, he agrees, because she looks radiant with red dusted across her cheeks from all the running and her eyes twinkling from all the "fun."

The two are merry through their meal of ramen, and then he walks her to her family home, where the rest of her family is waiting, having promised each other an evening together. When he drops her off at the porch, she is clinging to his arm, suffering from the worst laugh attack he has ever seen, obviously from a joke at _his _expense. She can hardly stand upright and her vision is blurred from the tears in her eyes, so he is struggling with supporting her.

"_Whoa, thanks, Toush," _she gasps as she dabs at her eyes. _"I'll see you around."_

And just before heading inside, she ruffles his hair. He smirks at the nostalgic feel of the action, because she has not done it in a long time.

He nods curtly and is walking down her driveway when he catches sight of a movement in one of the windows. When he turns, he finds Kurosaki Isshin smiling over at him and, when the man notices he has been spotted, he sends him a thumbs-up sign before abandoning his post at the curtains. With a peculiar yet strangely satisfied smile, he walks back to his own dorm, already thinking up excuses to avoid getting kicked out for breaking rules.

Her family is unsure of the _exact_ cause of her sudden change, but they know it has something to do with the white haired young man constantly at her side. He is instantly welcomed into their home, into their family, into their good graces. She appreciates it, knowing this will make their new, though strange, relationship easier for her.

His family is unsure at first. He knows he has to tell them the news, and she insists on being there, because this involves her too, even if nothing has been decided yet. It is difficult for him to admit his feelings; doing it _to her _had been painful enough, but he has never shared much with his own family members – aside from Shiro, of course.

Gin's sly smile stays on his face, but Rangiku is unsure of herself, and of them.

"_Are you really sure about this?" _she asks them, her eyes flitting from his determined face to hers. _"I mean, Shiro..."_

They flinch at the mention, but stay strong.

"_I care about him," _he says, and his brows furrow, _"and I've felt awful about myself for a long time. But I care about her too, and so I'm not holding back any longer just because Shiro-nii noticed how wonderful she is before I did."_

She looks at him in shock, unwilling to take her eyes off of him, but still turns to the flushed young woman seated beside him on the couch, seeking her answer.

"_I still can't let go of him," _she admits, _"but it's been a year and a half, and I have to deal with the fact that he's...gone. Hitsugaya-san," _she adopts a formal tone and name in light of the seriousness of the situation, and leans forward in her seat, _"please don't feel as if I'm taking advantage of Toushiro because he reminds me of Shiro."_

The young mother looks appalled at her words, but stays silent, listening to her explanation intently. She sighs.

"_In my opinion, the two are completely different, but they're both special. I...haven't made any sort of decision yet. Toushiro's made his feelings clear, and we've talked about this, but I need time. I promise to you that if I ever seek any sort of relationship with him, it will be once I've completely let go of my past with your other son, and only then."_

It is a surprise when Gin suddenly starts clapping softly, the smile on his face bigger than ever.

"_Very well said, young miss," _he compliments, and then turns to his wife, taking her hands into his own. _"What kinda more proof do we need that she's sincere?"_

And so, with his encouragement, they gain the approval of the Hitugaya family.

Though they had agreed that they wouldn't worry about what others would say or think about them, it feels as if heavy burdens are lifted off of their shoulders at such genuine encouragement from both sides. With no worries for the thoughts of others around them, the two delve, shyly and carefully, deeper into their relationship.

On Christmas Day, they exchange presents, both unsure of what the other's reaction will be to their carefully thought out and picked gifts, which took hours and hours of thinking and searching to find.

She gives him a small, embroidered handkerchief. The design is very disfigured, as she had made it herself after buying a sewing kit and a book teaching the craft, but that makes it all the more special.

"_Just in case I'm not around the next time you decide to punch a tree," _she explains with a grin.

On New Years, they meet at the open soccer field near her childhood home. It is crowded with anticipating spectators, but the two eventually manage to find a secluded spot. They sit back to back, her with her knees pulled to her chest, and him with his legs folded. They gaze up at the sky, as anxious as the others waiting not too far away. As the clock strikes twelve, a shimmer explodes loudly in the sky, soon followed by another, and then another. Suddenly, the whole sky is lit with colorful fireworks, bathing them with their beautiful light. They hear a loud cheer of _'Happy New Years!' _rip through the air, and she cannot resist twisting her torso and ruffling his hair a bit, informing him that her resolution this year is to accomplish a great feat by annoying him twice as much as usual, and laughing at his groan.

On Valentines Day, she presents him with a small box of delicately wrapped chocolate.

"_I tried to make some myself," _she mumbles, embarrassed, and scuffing her toe in the ground and making circles, _"but the stove almost blew up, so I had to buy some."_

"_Who the hell messes up melting a slab of chocolate in a pot?" _he jokes, attempting to lighten the air, though he finds her embarrassment very endearing. _"You just take off the wrapper and boil some water."_

She throws the box at him ad storms off in a huff.

On White Day, he makes it up to her. Rather than presenting her with a humongous bouquet of roses she would have snorted at and called _'cheesy' _before setting them somewhere to wilt over time, he knocks on her door – thankfully her university has no ridiculous rules about male guests – with a basket of bletted quinces hanging off of his arm. After she gets past the surprise, she only smiles slowly and allows him entry. After an awkward moment, during which her roommate plants a sly smile on her face and eyes them with raised eyebrows until she leaves to let them be alone, he gives her his present.

Confused, she leads him to her kitchen as he requests, and he takes her by the shoulders and makes her sit in a chair at the table. The rest of the day is spent with her watching in awe as he first peels, then boils, mashes and bakes each quince to his satisfaction. After a long day in the kitchen, he wipes the sweat off of his brow and presents her with jars of quince jelly and jam, and even some quince pudding. Delighted, she makes them some tea, and the two seat themselves closely on her couch to enjoy her white day present. It is lucky for him that she is a tomboy with a bottomless pit for a stomach – that makes it easier to win her over.

A surprise awaits him at the end of the day. He helps her set all the leftover jars away, and just as he is about to leave, she grabs his shirt from behind and yanks him back through the doorway, shoving a large box into his hand.

"_Homemade chocolate," _she explains, and in response to his wary glance at her, she mumbles, _"I practiced making some every day. Yuzu says this one is good."_

Clutching the box very closely to his chest, he puts a hand on her cheek. When she dares to look up, he takes a strand of hair hanging over her forehead and tucks it gently behind her ear. A tense moment passes between them then, and both are vaguely aware of the electricity sparking in the air. As he moves his hand back to cup her cheek, they both think for just that moment that he is going to kiss her. And indeed, acting on that impulse, he leans forward.

Seeing this, her breath catches in her throat, and she screws her eyes shut, awaiting the touch to her lips. But instead, he leans their noses together, nuzzling hers slightly before leaning away again. He finally drops his hand from her cheek and walks away quietly, leaving her standing in the doorway, shocked and strangely disappointed.

On the first day of spring, he asks her to spend a day with him, and the two wander quietly and comfortably through the park, enjoying the view of the cherry blossoms blooming on branches high above reach. The two wander side by side, getting just an inch closer from time to time, their fingertips brushing slightly every once in a while.

"_Aw, what a cute couple!" _someone squeals at them from not too far away.

The two keep their hands firmly in their pockets after that, refusing to make eye contact for a while, confused by these strange feelings stirring within them. It takes some time for them to finally loosen up near the end of their walk, but as they go back to their easy banter, they find comfort in the other once again. The troubles and implications of hand holding are all but forgotten, and the two take their time in finally exploring them, at a time and date when they feel they are ready.

And then one day, when the pain that used to stab her heart at the mere mention of her ex-boyfriend's name goes away, when the guilt that wrenched at him after merely gazing at her for too long vanishes, when the two can visit their beloved Shiro's grave site without avoiding their eyes and mumbling only a few words, they leave the graveyard with small, shy smiles playing on their faces and their hands clasped together, tightly and _proudly_.

Neither plans to let go for a long, long time.

.

.

_The End._

* * *

**So near the end, I kind of went in chronological order in progressing their relationship over time, if anyone noticed; Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's, White Day (March 14), First Day of Spring (March 20-23), and then Shiro's death anniversary again (which happens around the time they are about to graduate, so May-June). Anyway, I tried to make their relationship a little deeper with each event.**

**And, oh my gosh, I'm finally done! And I don't think five months is too bad. I wanted to have this up yesterday, because then it would have been _exactly _five months, but, obviously, I didn't. Anyway, onto the usual sappiness one expects at the end of a story: thank you so, _so _much for sticking with me until the end, guys! I know the whole Jyuushiro x Karin relationship was unexpected, but I'm glad you gave this a chance. You guys are so sweet for alerting, favoriting (is that even a word?), and reviewing! Truly, I couldn't have done this without your support :D**


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